Agonizing Bliss

My flesh is at war against me.

I am weak; unarmed.

My spirit is wounded,

And in no position to fight.

I am left exposed,

Vulnerable and fragile.

I remember a time

When I was so strong.

Tenacity has been washed away

By tides of blood;

Washed up

Over years of battles lost.

I don’t even notice the scars

Anymore.

I wish I could care

That I don’t care.

I wish I were afraid.

And could run away,

But I numbly close my eyes

And anticipate the fall.

I am merely awaiting my loss

And the day of defeat,

When I can plummet into

The familiar cavern of guilt,

And bask in the ecstasy

Of failure.

Sin is such agonizing bliss.