"Awake"

It’s hard to sleep when all I do is think

About the things I can’t predict,

I can’t control or understand or see.

I cannot even call and vent.

It’s hard to sleep when you’re so far away.

I know you say it isn’t so,

But I feel deeper into you than you

Might want to admit that you know.

And all I see each time I close my eyes

Is how you look away from mine.

My heart is reaching out again for you.

Your heart is just as cold as ice.

And sometimes you will admit to these truths,

And tell me that’s just how it is.

You will protect your heart at any cost,

But where do I factor in this?

I feel like I mean nothing to you, love,

Nothing more than the hole I fill:

A warm body and an accepting heart.

The problem, though, is that I feel.

If I could just shut off this loneliness,

I think that I could maybe sleep.

If I could settle for an empty wish,

The hurt would not reach down so deep.

But somehow I know the potential here.

The walls that you erect are strong,

But I’ve seen through them to a far off land;

A place I thought that I belonged.

You swore to me almost a year ago

That you would never let me in.

I never believed that you meant it so.

I never thought the past would win.

This year has had its’ share of bitter rain.

We both have slipped and fallen down.

We’ve weather storms. We’ve moved beyond the pain.

I hate to see us drowning now.

Do you think sometimes there just comes a time

That though you fight to make a spark,

You can’t ignite a fire that isn’t there?

Please, was it ever in your heart?

Or did you take a chance on me and hope

That one day you would find yourself

Feeling the way for me I felt for you.

I don’t think that you ever fell.

True love is not something you fall into.

It either is, or it’s not love.

I wonder if you lie awake like me.

I wonder what you’re dreaming of.