Learning to be loved...

I am reading a book that is changing my life. I am learning, through this book and through some life lessons (which are actually a blessing in disguise) that God truely IS the Lover of my soul! He is not just a cliche religious metaphoric soothing thought or belief... He is showing Himself to me in some real and really needed ways, and teaching me to finally (And this is a first for me) accept the fact that He actually adores ME. Me!!! A super screwed up chic, by my definition, but somehow a beautiful flower in His eyes.

I am afraid for the future, and unsure of where it is going or how I will handle the hardships I am now facing.... BUT.... I have this hope that seems to be oozing from my pores... from my very soul... and it's His love! It's enough to cover a year full of stress and unknowns and hurt and anger.... it's enough to cover AND heal a lifetime of all of that.... SO... I am choosing to surrender to it. In doing so, my deepest hope is that I can love Him back just as hard as I can and bring His beautiful heart joy too... and maybe bless another soul or two along the way.

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"You Love Me"

~

You are my rock and my fortress

My stronghold

You are my strength when

My strength does fold

I’m in the valley, feeling weak

You’re holding me and whispering

You love me

~

It’s hard to feel that I deserve

A million chances Lord

But I am not rejecting this

I’ll take You at Your word….

You love me.

You love me.

~

Trials and arrows and that come

Don’t last

How many times have You defeated

My past

This is just one of those tests

Will I

Surrender to defeat or

Finally Try

To let you love me.

~

You rescue in me many ways

It’s hard to accept a love like this

Learning to lean is humbling, God,

But freedom to be loved is bliss.

You love me.

You love me.

Jesus, Help Me

Jesus help me to get over

All the happy memories

God help me not to remember

Please just help me get some sleep

All I want is to forget it

So that I can just move on

Jesus wipe away the past

Wipe these tears and make me strong

Jesus help me to erase it

All the love I’ve stored inside

Jesus help me just to face it

I may be alone for a while

Won’t you take away this longing

I’ve learned white knights don’t exist

Someday one may change my mind,

But for now, all I want is…

To forget…..

To forgive….

To let go…..

To live.

Alive in the Moment

I know I’m alive

I’ve seen the other side

I’ve walked down both roads

I know which way to go

Change happens before I can say stop

But hope always rises to the top

Of me

I have felt deeply

I have felt nothing

I know what I like best

Laying it all to rest

I’ve never met a soul who would

Change yesterday knowing that it could

Change me.

Purpose feels just like a dream

Please send some to me

I’ve made up my mind.

I’ll look not ahead nor behind.

Love always. Never lose your heart.

Love laid claim from the very start

Of me.

"Changes"

Funny how nothing really changes.

Chance is a precarious risk

Time does not wait for slow heart beats.

Warm lips can’t wait for a kiss.

Night is a cooling reminder

Of sunrise’s fade long ago.

To me it comes as a surprise,

But he knew it seasons ago.

I wish I like he had the gift of

Knowing ahead when to give,

But I can thank him for the learning,

And in this care-free life I’ll live.

Sometimes, yes, I miss the feeling

Of feeling that way so deeply.

Funny how everything changes.

Sunset has wrought change in me.