I need reprieve....

God,
I am aching and broken.
I feel alone. Scared. Tired. Overwhelmed.
Why does life have to be so hard?
Why can't You just come and take me away?
Or bring me joy and peace
that never fades?
Why?!
I am a little mad at You.
But I know I should only be mad
at myself.
I am foolish. Unwise.
Selfish. Immature.
I make bad choices sometimes,
and then expect You to swoop in
and fix them.
I yearn to feel loved,
Yet I push everyone away.
Isn't there anyone on earth
Who can and will love me deeply,
In spite of me???
Do I deserve to be alone?
Am I to suffer Hell on earth
As atonement for the sins of my past?
I want to have a happy, whole family...
But it's already broken.
I am unwhole.
I can't stop crying....
Where did these tears come from,
And why can't I turn them off?
I am crying out for
a miracle!
And God, if it's not too much to ask,
Please send me a financial miracle too.
I know I have no one to blame but myself,
But I need help out of this hole.
I am desperate.
It's been so long since I've cried,
I just can't stop.
I want to run away... to hide...
I want to be held and loved...
I need reprieve.
Jesus, PLEASE come to me.
Please hold my heart.
Please fix everything.
Please help.
I need you.