Faith through Times of Trial

For me, things are crazy right now. So many unknowns. So many changes. So many possible negative outcomes. Why do I let myself dwell on the what-ifs? Have I somehow over the years become a pessimist, who automatically finds her thoughts drifting to the worst-case scenario in the face of adversity? I remember when I was the perpetual optimist, to the point of being blinded and naive, at times. I kinda miss that person. I don't like these feelings I am feeling. How can I know I serve a sovereign and loving God, and then realize I am subconsciously rebelling against Him, due to thoughts of "How could He have allowed this and that to happen to me, if He truly loved me?" I'm so much smarter than that. I'm not sure why I let feelings of doubt and defeat creep in.

I know I'm not a "Super Christian", but I do love and have faith in Christ. I'm nowhere near perfect or holy, but I know He loves me anyway. My own thoughts of self-worth and need for perfection are issues I have placed upon myself, or have had placed upon me over the years, which I am battling against. I constantly beat myself up in my never-ending battle to "Be holy as I am holy", as He says in His Word. It seems I'm not even close, no matter how hard I try. It's then I am tempted to just give up the fight. But... The important thing I need to remember in my relationship with Him is that He does not say, "Come to me all who have got their sh** together and never let the stresses of life get to them". No.... He said, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laiden, and I will give you rest." Can't remember the reference. Been too long since I've deeply poured myself into the Word. Been too long since I've been able to go to church, also. That's another personal "issue" I need to get beyond.

*Sigh* ...Tough times right now for sure, but I am going to, once again; choose to be thankful for all the blessings I have been given... my children, my family, my friends, etc. I will choose to do only what I can do to improve my situation, and in Faith, leave the rest... the future... in His almighty hands. The alternative is a dark one, for me. My only peace is in knowing God is better at being God than I am, then in letting Him lead.

...Had a really encouraging talk with a close family member this morning. Sometimes you need a kind little kick in the butt to remind you of what you already know, but are somehow unable to see in the fog of uncertainty and fear. He has equipt me with the gift of choice. I can chose to wallow in self-pity and get stressed and consumed by the vast gulf of unknowns and what-ifs before me... OR... I can chose to take the steps which are within my control, disallowing myself to become anxious about those things that are outside of my control.

In sitting down to do my devotions just after this talk, the daily devotional I was reading, once again had the perfect word at the perfect time. I had to share it. Who knows... maybe someone else out there has the same struggles as I do, and needs the same re-reminder, enlightenment, or encouragement.

Please pray for me and my children. We deeply believe in the power of prayer, and have witnessed miracles happen. ...And if you send me a message with your prayer request, I promise to pray to for you to. For the record, I'm not just one of those people who says, "I'll pray for you", cuz' it sounds thoughtful and nice to say. If I say I will pray for someone, I really will. Anyway, I digress. Here's the things I wanted to share:

Devotional for Every Day of the Year “Jesus Calling” ~ Sarah Young

October 21

To live in My presence consistently, you must expose and expel your rebellious tendencies. When something interferes with your plans or desires, you tend to resent the interference. Try to become aware of each resentment, however petty it may seem. Don’t push those unpleasant feelings down; instead, let them come to the surface where you can deal with them. Ask My Spirit to increase your awareness of resentful feelings. Bring them boldly into the Light of My Presence, so I can free you from them.

The ultimate solution to rebellious tendencies is submission to My authority over you. Intellectually you rejoice in My sovereignty, without which the world would be a terrifying place. But when My sovereign will encroaches on your little domain of control, you often react with telltale resentment.

The best response to losses or thwarted hopes is praise: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Remember that all good things--your possessions, your family and friends, your health and abilities, your time--are gifts from Me. Instead of feeling entitled to all these blessings, respond to them with gratitude. Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My hand!

Psalm 139:23-24...
“Search me, O God, and know my heart: test me and know my anxious thoughts, See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I Peter 5:6...
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

Job 1:21...
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”

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...and adding to that devotional, my personal favorite:
I Peter 5:7
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you.”
(New Living Version)

....and another one He recently showed me (again), which I needed:
Luke 12:22-26...
“....Jesus said, “So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life -- whether you have enough food to eat or clothes to wear. For life consists of far more than food and clothing (or homes or cars or jobs or paychecks or possessions). Look at the ravens. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not! And if worry can't do little things like that, what's the use of worrying over bigger things?”
(New Living Version)