Anchors... and a song

I’m restructuring so many things in my life lately. Or, working at it, rather. I’ve always yearned to be the best person I could possibly be in all areas. I’ve always failed miserably at perfection. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be perfect, and am becoming much more realistic in my expectations of myself as the years pass. That is not to say that I have become lackadaisical in my pursuit of wholeness, it just means I have learned the art of acceptance. Of myself. Not of what I’ve done, nor where I’ve been, but acceptance of ME. Who I am at my core. The journey towards comprehension of God’s complete and unconditional love of me is still an ongoing one, but my path is getting a little smoother, thankfully. I will always strive to be better, but I think I’m done kicking myself so hard when I fall down. When I do that, it makes the getting up that much more difficult. The word “accept" means: to believe the goodness or realness of something. Am I perfect? Uh.... no. But I am learning to accept myself for who I am WHILE continuing to strive to become better. Does that sound like a crazy paradox?

In my current life restructuring phase, I am finding myself a little sad. There are things that I have allowed to be a part of my life that are really holding me down. Certain people, certain emotions, specific character traits, habits and excuses.... a whole gamut of things that I need to find a way to let go of. This feels like loss to me, and it makes me a little sad and afraid. But what I need to remember is that if I let go of those distracting, defeating “things” that are occupying my heart and head and life space; I will have a lot more room for all the positive, reinforcing things to enter in and become a part of my life. It’s not a loss, it’s a gain... That is the mantra that I need to repeat to myself.

In my somber state this morning, I was praying a little, wallowing in worry about how I am going to be able to do all of this restructuring, and feeling a little bit like crawling back into bed and going to sleep so I don’t have to deal with it. But ignoring certain things in my life that have really brought me down emotionally is exactly what I should not be continuing to do. Because ignoring is exactly the reason my life is not where I want it to be. I need to be strong, face the truth, and cut the ropes to the many anchors which are stalling my voyage to joy. Joy is, after all, my ultimate destination. So back to my somber state... I was sitting alone in my quiet house, wondering where to start. Once again, I felt God telling me to go to my keyboard and start to sing and play. The song that came to me is one I wrote many years ago, when I was going through a tough time in life. As I began to play and sing it, it all came rushing back to me, and the words were so much what I needed. It was almost like God was speaking directly into my heart through the lyrics I had written so long ago. He is so mysterious and amazing. I am so thankful that He reaches out to me right where I am in the unexpected ways that He does.

I had a friend ask me the other day when we were on a walk on the beautiful Sacramento River Trail near the Sundial Bridge, “Do you feel like you are ready to fall in love with ‘the one’?” We were talking about relationships, and being single. I did not even hesitate with my answer. I replied, “No!!!” And this got me thinking, why would I feel unready for something that I truly yearn for and am designed for... love? It is because I want to be the very best that I can be for the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want him to meet me in this restructuring phase. I want him to see the finished result, so I can be really, really, really good at loving him. With no anchors getting in the way.

Here is the song that helped me this morning. I may have posted this on my blog years ago, but I felt it was post-worthy again, for the following reason..... If you are feeling down today, or if you have some anchors you need to drop, or some restructuring that you need to do, my hope is that these lyrics will uplift you. I wish I could sing and play it for you, because you never get the full emotion behind the song with just the lyrics. Regardless, here it is:

"I Will Not Let You Down"

Vs 1:
When you feel afraid,
When your dreams start to fade,
When your worries are on a roll.
When you feel alone,
When you can’t find your way home,
Just remember, I’m in control.

Chorus:
I will not let you down.
I will not let you down .
I’ll carry you,
And not let you down.

Verse 2:
When times are a bit tough,
When your road is way too rough,
When heartache’s all you can feel;
Those are the times I’m there.
Those are the times I care the most.
I’ll protect you; I’ll be your shield!

Chorus:
I will not let you down.
I will not let you down.
I’ll carry you,
And not let you down.

Bridge:
People will say
You can make it on your own,
But you know I’m the Way,
And my arms will carry you home!

Chorus:
I will not let you down.
I will not let you down .
...Nothing can take away My love.
...I’m watching you from above.
I’ll carry you,
And not let you down.

I’m so glad we have a God who carries us through the rough spots.