Clumsy Heart Thoughts

There aren't words,
Pictures,
Songs.
There are no smells or tastes,
or anything tangible
To relay my clumsy heart thoughts.
All I can do is worry and cry and pray,
And wait, wait, wait,
For a distinctly dissimilar day.
I must state what is obvious
Only to myself...
I am truly, greatly grateful
For my precious blessings.
But, this aching affliction
Makes my smile look
Upside down.
How can I not note
The concern in their eyes,
As they lie and say everything is fine?
No, it's not.
It is not.
And my heart thoughts race,
And stumbling, run away with me,
Before finally fading to numb,
Leaving me behind
Gasping for breath
In a deep pool of tears.
What do I do now?
The question is moot.
I know I need to "do"
Nothing.
Just be.
Rest.
Breathe.
I will stifle my cries.
I will squeeze shut my eyes.
I will be still.
I will hope.
I WILL hope.
I'll be still and I'll hope,
For what else is there to live for?