I was talking to my Mom a few days ago about all the emotional healing I have done over the past 11 months. I was attempting to explain to her how odd it is for me to at last feel such a deep peace and sense of knowing that God is at work in my life, even when I may not actually see His active hand in the now. It's perplexing to me that I can feel such a welling of hope about the future, and yet have so many adversities in my immediate path. One of these adversities has been not having employment for a few months now. I presently have no income - embarassing to admit, after all those years of being a "productive member of society"... God must have known I needed the humbling - and I haven't received any child support in a very long time. It has been quite stressful for me in the past, but for some reason, I'm not as stressed out anymore, even though my circumstances have not changed. I was telling her that God knows I need a job in order to support my children and provide a good life for them (although my hearts desire is to be a stay-at-home mom/writer), but that for some reason, the doors just haven't been opening for the past 5 months that I have been out. Nonetheless, I still feel such an unexpected positivity, in the midst of my dwindling bank account. She asked me if I had read my devotional that morning, from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I told her I hadn't. She said the devotional was about thanking God in the midst of adversity. Not just trusting Him for what is to come, but actually THANKING Him for what I do not yet have. I loved that, so I've been trying to remember to do that the past 2 days.
Yesterday morning, I woke up very motivated to become once again gainfully employed. I applied for every job I could find online, but was discouraged to discover that pretty much the only job openings out there in my area are ones that would pay no where near what I need to support a family of four on my own. But I applied anyway. Didn't hear back from any of them. I've been to a few interviews in the past few months, and they all either have crappy hours or crappy pay or tell me I am over-qualified. It's been disheartening. I felt a bit defeated, so I contemplated taking a nap, but poured myself a cup of coffee instead and went and sat in my backyard, just trying to soak up the sunshine and refocus my thoughts and perspective. I felt sorry for myself for only a moment, when I realized, **Monica! Look around you at the beautiful world you live in. The sun. The trees. The breeze. The singing birds. The fact that you've had the opportunity, finally, to be able to be a Mom with all the time in the world to spend with your amazing kids for the past 5 months. You need to be thanking God for the answers you don't have right now. Because you KNOW that He has never let you down. And He never will. His timing is perfect.** So I began to pray, and thank God for the answers I do not have. I thanked Him for all the blessings I do have. I told Him that my faith would not waiver, even though I don't have clear direction or lighted paths right now. I felt chills, and peace and hope wash over me so much, and I was instantly inspired to write a song. Haven't written one for a few months, so I was excited.
I ran inside to go sit down at my keyboard and see what melody came to me. I knew the theme of the song would be "thanking God for the answers I don't have", but that was as far as I got with it, because as I was heading down my hall to my room to begin playing, my phone rang from the living room. I almost let it go to voice mail, but decided I should check it, in case it was a job application response. ...It was a friend of mine, who I used to work with. She was calling to tell me about a job opening with her company, that is right up my field of expertise. She said she had already spoken to management about me in depth, explaining to them my strong work ethic, self-motivated personality, drive to succeed and past work achievements. She said she was told to tell me to apply right away. She said she felt like God was telling her to go to bat for me, and that she would do everything she could to try and help me get that job. So, considering the timing of that phone call, I decided there was no way that God's hand could not be in this. I applied for the job, and heard from the Manager (who was a former business acquaintence of mine when I was an Escrow Officer) a few hours later. He said he knew I was highly capable, because he remembered my work. He said he was giving the green light, and that I should be receiving a call to schedule an interview in the next few days. Yay!
So, I just now got off the phone with one of the managers, who scheduled a job interview with me. If it goes well, my financial worries will ease up quite a bit. I'm excited! The only down-side will be the hours. I will lose out on some very valuable time with my children. This has been something I have been struggling to avoid, because I know how important it is for kids to have a mom who is present as much as possible. But I also know I need to provide for them, and keep a warm roof over their heads. And beggars cannot be choosers. I am praying that if this job opportunity is truly from God, that He will allow me to get the position. I'm actually looking forward to it. Is it my ultimate dream job? No. If I had my way, I'd be a professional songwriter, poet and author. But life does not always end up quite the way we dreamed it would. The important thing is to recognize God's hand at work in our lives, thanking Him every step of the way... even if it is for answers we do not yet have. And even when it is for the life that was not our original desire, but is Plan B or C. Because God can make plan B or C a very blessed and beautiful life. The future is filled with hope and promise, I just know it.
If you think of it, would you say a prayer for me regarding the job interview and this potential new endeavor? I would greatly appreciate it! Love to all. ~m~
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Why Facebook Annoys Me...
You know what annoys me sometimes? Facebook!
I’ve been called a Facebookaholic more than once. I’m a very social person, so a social networking site is right up my alley. I sincerely enjoy certain things about Facebook, like the ability to be involved in the day to day life of my family and friends who live far away, and those whom I would not have the opportunity to communicate with as frequently, otherwise. I love seeing pictures of people who are dear to me, hearing about their big life events, their funny little quips and that feeling of being connected to them.
I will admit, however, that I dislike certain things about Facebook. Like those status updates by those on my friend’s list who feel the need to make every single thing they post be about God. Don’t get me wrong, I think Facebook can be a wonderful vessel for sharing one’s faith, and a means to witness, so to speak. But those constant status updates about being a Christian and a true Believer and about God this and Jesus that... well, they come off as sounding like the poster quite possibly has something to prove. You forget, many of those on your friend’s list have seen you in day to day life, and know that you are not quite as holy as you are making yourself out to be. Have you ever heard the saying “thou protesteth too much”? Why do you feel compelled to make each and every post a “God post”? It’s okay to be human and real, you know. It’s okay to let other people know you are human and real. Even the disciples were honest in their writings about their humanity, and many people were humbled by their authenticity and were led to believe by those who were less than perfect, like the Apostle Paul. God doesn’t expect you to only speak if you are speaking of Him, so why would you think He expects you to only post something on Facebook if it is about Him? And also, just so you know, it’s not a sin to crack a joke every now and then. Lighten up! You will not go to Hell just because you post something that does not relate to your religious beliefs, I promise. God does not log onto Facebook every half hour to determine who is or isn’t going to be added to the Book of Life, based on their status update. I’m pretty sure He knows your heart, so your constant preachy posts do not influence him. They don’t influence those on your friend’s list the way that you would hope, either. Those posts come across as having a holier-than-thou tone, and make your readers believe that in your own eyes, you are Super Saint. So please, jump down off of that soap box. It’ll make you (and me) feel better.
Another Facebook annoyance is the ever so constant post about the world’s political goings on. I don’t mind at all if you post about your political views on occasion. But, I have those on my friend’s list who don’t just make a sporadic political post... it’s a several times a day thing! I know this is a free country, and you can post whatever you so choose, but did you ever consider that it has gotten to be so banal and consistently blabberish and whiny, that your posts are now just skimmed past and/or not even read? What’s the point of posting all this stuff, if it’s not even read? Is Facebook some sort of political platform for you? Do you plan to use it as an avenue to getting elected as President? (LOL... actually that wouldn’t really be so far-fetched, because that’s kind-of what Obama did. But anyway, I digress.) My point is, the perpetual spewing of your political opinion gets extremely old. If it’s super important and occasional, then by all means, politically post away! But if you want to let all of us know how wrong it is that people wear coats made of animal fur... for the sixth time today... please re-think that post. No one’s going to read it anyway. Just sayin’. I found this quote, by a wise, anonymous writer: "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." I like that. Pretty accurate, I’d say. And as far as I am concerned, I’d be happier not to have to read all that nonsense on my social network home page. ...And yes, I am aware that the fur coat thing was a pretty bizarre example. But it was a “names have been changed to protect the innocent” kind of thing. You know what I mean.
You may be thinking, in the event that either one of the above paragraphical rants applies to you, “Instead of complaining about the types of posts you don’t like, why don’t you just block them?" My answer is simple, and I guarantee I am in the majority as far as those who put up with this type of posting on Facebook. Every single person on my friends list is someone who is important to me... I am not one of those people who accepts friend invites from random strangers, therefore, I most likely will neither be deleting, nor blocking you. Those whom I have deleted in the past,were only those who I was barely acquainted with, and whom I never conversed with. My page is reserved for actual friends and family. Considering that fact, I fear I may just be doomed to suffer through posts of this nature.
Nonetheless, I am indescribably annoyed by the “look at me, I’m a phenomenal Christian with all the right answers!” posts and the “I know everything about the state of the world’s affairs and am the end-all-be-all on today’s political definitude!" posts. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but right now I am so irritated by this kind of nonsense, that if these posts do not decrease in frequency, I have half a mind to not check my Facebook page... for at least the next hour! Boom!!!!
I’ve been called a Facebookaholic more than once. I’m a very social person, so a social networking site is right up my alley. I sincerely enjoy certain things about Facebook, like the ability to be involved in the day to day life of my family and friends who live far away, and those whom I would not have the opportunity to communicate with as frequently, otherwise. I love seeing pictures of people who are dear to me, hearing about their big life events, their funny little quips and that feeling of being connected to them.
I will admit, however, that I dislike certain things about Facebook. Like those status updates by those on my friend’s list who feel the need to make every single thing they post be about God. Don’t get me wrong, I think Facebook can be a wonderful vessel for sharing one’s faith, and a means to witness, so to speak. But those constant status updates about being a Christian and a true Believer and about God this and Jesus that... well, they come off as sounding like the poster quite possibly has something to prove. You forget, many of those on your friend’s list have seen you in day to day life, and know that you are not quite as holy as you are making yourself out to be. Have you ever heard the saying “thou protesteth too much”? Why do you feel compelled to make each and every post a “God post”? It’s okay to be human and real, you know. It’s okay to let other people know you are human and real. Even the disciples were honest in their writings about their humanity, and many people were humbled by their authenticity and were led to believe by those who were less than perfect, like the Apostle Paul. God doesn’t expect you to only speak if you are speaking of Him, so why would you think He expects you to only post something on Facebook if it is about Him? And also, just so you know, it’s not a sin to crack a joke every now and then. Lighten up! You will not go to Hell just because you post something that does not relate to your religious beliefs, I promise. God does not log onto Facebook every half hour to determine who is or isn’t going to be added to the Book of Life, based on their status update. I’m pretty sure He knows your heart, so your constant preachy posts do not influence him. They don’t influence those on your friend’s list the way that you would hope, either. Those posts come across as having a holier-than-thou tone, and make your readers believe that in your own eyes, you are Super Saint. So please, jump down off of that soap box. It’ll make you (and me) feel better.
Another Facebook annoyance is the ever so constant post about the world’s political goings on. I don’t mind at all if you post about your political views on occasion. But, I have those on my friend’s list who don’t just make a sporadic political post... it’s a several times a day thing! I know this is a free country, and you can post whatever you so choose, but did you ever consider that it has gotten to be so banal and consistently blabberish and whiny, that your posts are now just skimmed past and/or not even read? What’s the point of posting all this stuff, if it’s not even read? Is Facebook some sort of political platform for you? Do you plan to use it as an avenue to getting elected as President? (LOL... actually that wouldn’t really be so far-fetched, because that’s kind-of what Obama did. But anyway, I digress.) My point is, the perpetual spewing of your political opinion gets extremely old. If it’s super important and occasional, then by all means, politically post away! But if you want to let all of us know how wrong it is that people wear coats made of animal fur... for the sixth time today... please re-think that post. No one’s going to read it anyway. Just sayin’. I found this quote, by a wise, anonymous writer: "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." I like that. Pretty accurate, I’d say. And as far as I am concerned, I’d be happier not to have to read all that nonsense on my social network home page. ...And yes, I am aware that the fur coat thing was a pretty bizarre example. But it was a “names have been changed to protect the innocent” kind of thing. You know what I mean.
You may be thinking, in the event that either one of the above paragraphical rants applies to you, “Instead of complaining about the types of posts you don’t like, why don’t you just block them?" My answer is simple, and I guarantee I am in the majority as far as those who put up with this type of posting on Facebook. Every single person on my friends list is someone who is important to me... I am not one of those people who accepts friend invites from random strangers, therefore, I most likely will neither be deleting, nor blocking you. Those whom I have deleted in the past,were only those who I was barely acquainted with, and whom I never conversed with. My page is reserved for actual friends and family. Considering that fact, I fear I may just be doomed to suffer through posts of this nature.
Nonetheless, I am indescribably annoyed by the “look at me, I’m a phenomenal Christian with all the right answers!” posts and the “I know everything about the state of the world’s affairs and am the end-all-be-all on today’s political definitude!" posts. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but right now I am so irritated by this kind of nonsense, that if these posts do not decrease in frequency, I have half a mind to not check my Facebook page... for at least the next hour! Boom!!!!
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Palipitation
Shut up.
You know not
What you are pattering about.
You whisper and murmur and nag
About things of which
You obviously lack complete comprehension.
How could you;
You who thrives upon mere emotion,
And has no capacity
To reason?
Your pulsating wail,
Your screaming palpitation,
I cannot... WILL not
Hear.
You think you have control
of me,
But...
You are woefully mistaken.
I am my own person.
And my mind is undoubtedly stronger
Than you.
I will not march
To your drum,
For it beats a tragic and endless melody.
Please stop interjecting
Into my consciousness,
For you are but a blaring distraction
From the life that I chose
To want.
Go and ache and break somewhere else,
For I reject your cries,
My burning, loathsome
Heart.
You know not
What you are pattering about.
You whisper and murmur and nag
About things of which
You obviously lack complete comprehension.
How could you;
You who thrives upon mere emotion,
And has no capacity
To reason?
Your pulsating wail,
Your screaming palpitation,
I cannot... WILL not
Hear.
You think you have control
of me,
But...
You are woefully mistaken.
I am my own person.
And my mind is undoubtedly stronger
Than you.
I will not march
To your drum,
For it beats a tragic and endless melody.
Please stop interjecting
Into my consciousness,
For you are but a blaring distraction
From the life that I chose
To want.
Go and ache and break somewhere else,
For I reject your cries,
My burning, loathsome
Heart.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A Christmas Song
“Merry Christmas”
MG ~ 12/20/2011
Here it is that time of year again.
I have been in love with Christmas since God knows when.
And for me it’s not the presents, tree or lights
That captivate me. There is only one Gift on my mind.
So, I just have to say...
Merry Christmas, Father up above!
Merry Christmas! I offer You my love.
This celebration is only all for You!
Merry Christmas, God, from me to You.
Years ago a baby boy was born.
Your only Son, the only One, was sent to mend the torn.
And that Christmas gift, the greatest of them all,
Is the reason for this season. Thank You, Father, God.
And I just have to say...
Merry Christmas, Father up above!
Merry Christmas! I offer You my love.
This celebration is only all for You!
Merry Christmas, God, from me to You.
MG ~ 12/20/2011
Here it is that time of year again.
I have been in love with Christmas since God knows when.
And for me it’s not the presents, tree or lights
That captivate me. There is only one Gift on my mind.
So, I just have to say...
Merry Christmas, Father up above!
Merry Christmas! I offer You my love.
This celebration is only all for You!
Merry Christmas, God, from me to You.
Years ago a baby boy was born.
Your only Son, the only One, was sent to mend the torn.
And that Christmas gift, the greatest of them all,
Is the reason for this season. Thank You, Father, God.
And I just have to say...
Merry Christmas, Father up above!
Merry Christmas! I offer You my love.
This celebration is only all for You!
Merry Christmas, God, from me to You.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Just a couple of poems
"Love's Metaphor II"
Just like the Redwoods, so sturdy, so strong;
Like soft, northern breezes that hummed our love song;
Like blankets of waves that caressed the seashore,
Unceasingly flowing, returning for more...
So saw I our love: secure, solid and deep.
But it waxed evanescent, and not ours to keep.
Great billows and torrents and weathering bluffs,
Eroded the surface of what never was.
Although dissipated - dispersed by the gale,
I reflect quite fondly on our fairy tale.
I wonder, do you dream of love's metaphor?
Do you climb those Redwoods along rippling shore?
If you think of me, tenderly reminisce
The depths of that ocean... the taste of that kiss,
And we can pretend it was endless and true.
When reverie seizes, I dance there with you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Lovers”
Lovers...
They walk about
hand in hand
so brutally.
Have they no sympathy
for the spectator?
How rude of them
to kiss.
They cuddle and coo
maliciously.
How could they?!
They do.
Oh, they do.
But I
am not
a captive audience!
I have better things to do,
anyway.
So...
I turn away.
I depart.
I run impossibly far
from the obscene scene,
and opt not
to look
upon love.
Just like the Redwoods, so sturdy, so strong;
Like soft, northern breezes that hummed our love song;
Like blankets of waves that caressed the seashore,
Unceasingly flowing, returning for more...
So saw I our love: secure, solid and deep.
But it waxed evanescent, and not ours to keep.
Great billows and torrents and weathering bluffs,
Eroded the surface of what never was.
Although dissipated - dispersed by the gale,
I reflect quite fondly on our fairy tale.
I wonder, do you dream of love's metaphor?
Do you climb those Redwoods along rippling shore?
If you think of me, tenderly reminisce
The depths of that ocean... the taste of that kiss,
And we can pretend it was endless and true.
When reverie seizes, I dance there with you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Lovers”
Lovers...
They walk about
hand in hand
so brutally.
Have they no sympathy
for the spectator?
How rude of them
to kiss.
They cuddle and coo
maliciously.
How could they?!
They do.
Oh, they do.
But I
am not
a captive audience!
I have better things to do,
anyway.
So...
I turn away.
I depart.
I run impossibly far
from the obscene scene,
and opt not
to look
upon love.
Monday, December 12, 2011
A Mountain of Unforgiveness
I'm really struggling with forgiveness, lately. Those that are close to me know the finer details, but suffice it to say, great wrongs have been done to me. As years of wrongs and injustices have been added to the pile, I am now finding myself standing before a giant mountain of bitterness, blame, anger and grudge-holding. I hate this stupid mountain! I want it gone, as it seems to be impeding my personal growth. Add to it, the layers of ice and snow that are piled on top of it, increasing it's mass: bouts of self-loathing, denial, feelings of defenselessness, the subconscious need to make excuses for myself, self-pity, etc. It's a really ugly monstrosity. So, I have been struggling with how to tackle this mountain, and somehow level it completely.
Closure. There's another tricky issue. What is closure? What does it look like? Why do I have a need for it? Why do I need to have a happy, at-peace, fresh-start kind of acceptance after something painful has happened to me? I think, for me, it's a desire to somehow be able to move forward, without having the weighty burden of bewilderment and loss stuck upon my shoulders. I have recently become aware (thanks to my very wise Therapist) that the only way one can truly experience closure, is to forgive. And not just kinda... but to deeply, genuinely forgive. Ummm.... maybe I don't need closure so badly after all, because that seems like a rather challenging feat, at this point, to put it quite mildly.
But... I know deep down inside of me that I am wrong in allowing myself to be stuck up here on this mountain. I want it gone. I know in my heart God wants that for me too. I am praying that He will bring me to a place where I can truly forgive a few people in my life and past. It must be done.
I opened up to my dad (we're very good friends) about my issue of unforgiveness recently, and he emailed me a link to the following article he'd stumbled upon on the issue. It was perfectly timed. But, to be honest, I hated reading it! It hit home too hard. Forgiveness sometimes feels a bit too difficult. Especially in certain circumstances. I will share it with you, because there are some really good points in it. I'll attach the link at that bottom of this page.
The paragraph in this article that stood out to me the most was:
A) "You see, forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is about you and God. It is wonderful when the person is truly sorry, asks for forgiveness, and your relationship is restored and even stronger for the experience. But when this isn’t the case, God’s truth doesn’t change. Through forgiveness, He can provide peace and healing in your life even if the other person isn’t sorry or restoration is not possible. I have heard that when we choose not to forgive someone, it is as if we have handcuffed that person to us and we are dragging him or her around with us everywhere we go. Choosing to forgive is choosing to undo the handcuff on your wrist and not carry that person around with you anymore. This choice does not require anything from the other person. It is something you alone can do with the help of God."
...Kinda simple and hard, all at once! But a very fitting analogy. And the most insightful part for me was in coming to realize that forgiveness really has nothing to do with the person who has wronged me. I'm still trying to reprogram my thinking in that area. It's a hard concept to wrap my brain around, however, I am tenacious; especially when it comes to my desire for spiritual and emotional growth.
I will continue to work on this. I am chosing to put some effort and time into healing and fixing this broken part of me. It's going to take some cognitive thinking skills, a lot of prayer and possibly a down-right miracle. But I've seen Him work miracles in my life before. I know once I am completely there, that great big ugly mountain of unforgiveness will simply implode. I cannot wait!
~m~
....Here's that article on Forgiveness that I told you I'd post the link for:
http://www.holinesstoday.org/nphweb/html/ncn/article.jsp?id=10010896
...An afterthought... God has forgiven me so very many times. Times when I didn't even feel worthy of His forgiveness. His forgiveness is unconditional and without end. In my attempt to be more and more like Him, I know what I must do. Seventy times seven.
Closure. There's another tricky issue. What is closure? What does it look like? Why do I have a need for it? Why do I need to have a happy, at-peace, fresh-start kind of acceptance after something painful has happened to me? I think, for me, it's a desire to somehow be able to move forward, without having the weighty burden of bewilderment and loss stuck upon my shoulders. I have recently become aware (thanks to my very wise Therapist) that the only way one can truly experience closure, is to forgive. And not just kinda... but to deeply, genuinely forgive. Ummm.... maybe I don't need closure so badly after all, because that seems like a rather challenging feat, at this point, to put it quite mildly.
But... I know deep down inside of me that I am wrong in allowing myself to be stuck up here on this mountain. I want it gone. I know in my heart God wants that for me too. I am praying that He will bring me to a place where I can truly forgive a few people in my life and past. It must be done.
I opened up to my dad (we're very good friends) about my issue of unforgiveness recently, and he emailed me a link to the following article he'd stumbled upon on the issue. It was perfectly timed. But, to be honest, I hated reading it! It hit home too hard. Forgiveness sometimes feels a bit too difficult. Especially in certain circumstances. I will share it with you, because there are some really good points in it. I'll attach the link at that bottom of this page.
The paragraph in this article that stood out to me the most was:
A) "You see, forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is about you and God. It is wonderful when the person is truly sorry, asks for forgiveness, and your relationship is restored and even stronger for the experience. But when this isn’t the case, God’s truth doesn’t change. Through forgiveness, He can provide peace and healing in your life even if the other person isn’t sorry or restoration is not possible. I have heard that when we choose not to forgive someone, it is as if we have handcuffed that person to us and we are dragging him or her around with us everywhere we go. Choosing to forgive is choosing to undo the handcuff on your wrist and not carry that person around with you anymore. This choice does not require anything from the other person. It is something you alone can do with the help of God."
...Kinda simple and hard, all at once! But a very fitting analogy. And the most insightful part for me was in coming to realize that forgiveness really has nothing to do with the person who has wronged me. I'm still trying to reprogram my thinking in that area. It's a hard concept to wrap my brain around, however, I am tenacious; especially when it comes to my desire for spiritual and emotional growth.
I will continue to work on this. I am chosing to put some effort and time into healing and fixing this broken part of me. It's going to take some cognitive thinking skills, a lot of prayer and possibly a down-right miracle. But I've seen Him work miracles in my life before. I know once I am completely there, that great big ugly mountain of unforgiveness will simply implode. I cannot wait!
~m~
....Here's that article on Forgiveness that I told you I'd post the link for:
http://www.holinesstoday.org/nphweb/html/ncn/article.jsp?id=10010896
...An afterthought... God has forgiven me so very many times. Times when I didn't even feel worthy of His forgiveness. His forgiveness is unconditional and without end. In my attempt to be more and more like Him, I know what I must do. Seventy times seven.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Lemons & Peace
I wrote a blogpost yesterday which was rather melancholy. It is so easy to get wrapped up in self-pity when life throws barrels full of lemons at you (see, there I go again). But, this morning's read brought clarity. I read it just a bit ago, after dropping the kids off at school. I definitely want to share it with you, but would like to tell you how my morning went up to that point...
I went to bed stewing in stress over all the major challenges, trials and painful circumstances I have before me at this point in my life. I was exhausted in every way. I awoke at 4:30am, wide awake and feeling a deep sense of peace. This was very out of the ordinary for me. So I laid in bed praying for a bit, with a thankful spirit.
I heard Caleb calling me about 15 minutes later. He'd had a nightmare. I went in his room and cuddled next to him in his bed and prayed with him for rest and peace. After an hour, he fell back to sleep. Our dog, Rain, took my spot on his bed and slept next to him. Caleb looked peaceful. I crawled back into my own bed at 5:15, hoping to catch at least a wink of sleep before having to start my day. Nope. Wasn't gonna happen. I laid there much too awake. For those that know me well, you know I'm not much of a morning person, so again, this was out of the ordinary.
Then Bre's alarm goes off at 5:30. She's way tired, so she decides to come crawl in next to me. Also, her alarm scared the crap out of her: it was set to Air 1, and the 5 seconds of the song that was playing when the alarm went off (just before she shot straight out of bed and shut it off) was, "...and they unfold like flowers before You...". I told Bre that was a pretty line to wake up to, but she said all she heard was, "SCAREY, SCREAMING MONSTER...for you". Got a good chuckle outta that one, sorry Bre. Anyway, so I snuggled with her for a while. We got up shortly after 6:00.
All 4 of us were in great moods this morning. All 3 kids got ready early and helped me pack their lunches. I made a big, yummy breakfast. We ate, hugged, played with the dog, let the dog have our leftovers, giggled and just had a fun, family morning. No grumpies nor groggies, just peace. I dropped the kids off at school 15 minutes early, which nearly never happens, and on the way there, we discussed how this feels like a really blessed day. It was good. We all needed that.
Then... I come home and read today's read from "Jesus Calling". This is what it said:
"Let Me infuse My Peace into your innermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something that you accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing. ....In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me; placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.
Isaiah 58:11, "The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."
Isaiah 40:11, "He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."
...........so good! So pertinent. It did bring some clarity, in light of yesterday's pity-fest. I'm so thankful to have a God who I know and trust will take care of me and my children. I'm choosing to place all my faith in Him, despite not always being able to see that end of tunnel light. I'm going to watch while He makes barrels of lemonade out of all these lemons; enough for me to be able to share with many.
Thanks so much to those who are praying for us. Love to all.
~m~
I went to bed stewing in stress over all the major challenges, trials and painful circumstances I have before me at this point in my life. I was exhausted in every way. I awoke at 4:30am, wide awake and feeling a deep sense of peace. This was very out of the ordinary for me. So I laid in bed praying for a bit, with a thankful spirit.
I heard Caleb calling me about 15 minutes later. He'd had a nightmare. I went in his room and cuddled next to him in his bed and prayed with him for rest and peace. After an hour, he fell back to sleep. Our dog, Rain, took my spot on his bed and slept next to him. Caleb looked peaceful. I crawled back into my own bed at 5:15, hoping to catch at least a wink of sleep before having to start my day. Nope. Wasn't gonna happen. I laid there much too awake. For those that know me well, you know I'm not much of a morning person, so again, this was out of the ordinary.
Then Bre's alarm goes off at 5:30. She's way tired, so she decides to come crawl in next to me. Also, her alarm scared the crap out of her: it was set to Air 1, and the 5 seconds of the song that was playing when the alarm went off (just before she shot straight out of bed and shut it off) was, "...and they unfold like flowers before You...". I told Bre that was a pretty line to wake up to, but she said all she heard was, "SCAREY, SCREAMING MONSTER...for you". Got a good chuckle outta that one, sorry Bre. Anyway, so I snuggled with her for a while. We got up shortly after 6:00.
All 4 of us were in great moods this morning. All 3 kids got ready early and helped me pack their lunches. I made a big, yummy breakfast. We ate, hugged, played with the dog, let the dog have our leftovers, giggled and just had a fun, family morning. No grumpies nor groggies, just peace. I dropped the kids off at school 15 minutes early, which nearly never happens, and on the way there, we discussed how this feels like a really blessed day. It was good. We all needed that.
Then... I come home and read today's read from "Jesus Calling". This is what it said:
"Let Me infuse My Peace into your innermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something that you accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing. ....In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me; placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.
Isaiah 58:11, "The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."
Isaiah 40:11, "He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."
...........so good! So pertinent. It did bring some clarity, in light of yesterday's pity-fest. I'm so thankful to have a God who I know and trust will take care of me and my children. I'm choosing to place all my faith in Him, despite not always being able to see that end of tunnel light. I'm going to watch while He makes barrels of lemonade out of all these lemons; enough for me to be able to share with many.
Thanks so much to those who are praying for us. Love to all.
~m~
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