Epiphany of a Martyr

I never understood how you could

Bid farewell to all that is good,

And look life in the face and turn.

With effort and grave determination,

You’ll abandon any situation

That bears the risk your heart will burn.

It seems so masochistic to me

To chose solitude over peace;

Losing love you were clearly meant to win,

But hear my epiphany… I know

All along you’ve been scared to expose

Your heart, so it can never break again.

~

You made a vow you can’t keep now,

And it kills your soul.

I relate in many ways.

I, too, am unwhole.

~

I remember a few years back

Trying to make up for what he lacked.

In the end, I wound up farther behind.

It either is love or it is not.

You can try and give it all you’ve got,

But true love is truly rare to find.

You felt it once long before me.

So long ago, it resembles a dream,

And now no longer is she dreamt of.

I felt sure that due to what I’d learned,

I could finally be the one to turn

Your heart and your head back to love.

~

Walls in place serve their purpose.

You feel safe that way.

Uninvited martyrs

Cannot unlock your gate.

~

So we move forth with courage, my friend.

No one knows beyond doubt where it ends;

The road has a will of it’s own, it seems.

Endeavoring not to draw within me;

At any cost, I must love freely.

But, I fear you hear my silent screams.

I still don’t comprehend it all,

How we can neither stand, nor fall.

But I am thankful for every lesson.

And with resolve I will bear a smile,

Reminiscent thoughts all the while,

And know there’s no need to keep guessing.

~

Did I lose me to apathy?

Do I even care?

All I know is I can’t go,

For you are everywhere.