Better off being single....

A little melancholy today... I have a real hard time with dishonesty. People say it's not a lie if it's just withholding the truth, but I say it's still blatant dishonesty, which makes me trust even less. *sigh*

I hate getting my hopes up, only to have the wind knocked out of my sail repeatedly. Isn't there any one left in this world who is real...unselfish...honest? Is it too much to ask for in a mate? I bear those qualities, and would love to find a "soul-mate" to share them with. I'm just beginning to have my doubts that he's out there.

I want someone who is very affectionate, compassionate, strong, wise, gentle, protective, kind, honest, humorous, communicative, ambitious, grounded, responsible, giving, spontaneous, noble, confident and passionate. Combine all that with loving the Lord, loving children (namely mine), and having amazing chemistry with me. Is all that too much to ask? LOL.... maybe so. In addition, I want to be very comfortable with him, laugh with him, cuddle with him, and be his best-friend. Some say this kind of fairy tale does not exist. Sometimes I believe them. More and more each time I see my hope seep out like air from a pinhole in a balloon. Not sure how much more I've got left, to be quite honest.

And yet, I can't shake this notion that he's out there... somewhere. My ideal man. And by "ideal", I do not mean "perfect". My ideal man is NOT perfect. I don't want that. I want to love his "flaws", so to speak, and know that he is perfect for me.

To my NEXT point: I am not perfect. Oh my GOODNESS, am I miles from that! I have so much growing to do... but I am blue enough right now, and don't feel like sitting here typing out my laundry list of "things Monica really should change about herself". I am going to focus on the positives, thus getting to the point of this rant.

I know my strengths. I am old enough and have been through enough (relationship-wise, and just plain life orientated) to know what I want. I know what will and will not work for me, and I don't waste time once those things have become clear. Life is too short to settle, so I won't. But how many freakin' frogs am I going to have to kiss before I find my prince???!!!

I am so sick of it all! I just wanna believe myself when I say, "I am better off just being single".