Someday Doesn't Have to Be Tomorrow

I've been thinking about writing a song or poem called "Someday Doesn't Have to be Tomorrow" for a while now.  I've even talked about the concept and idea with my family and close friends.  But once again, when I sat down to write today, something unexpected came out.  I wasn't going to post this, because it is a prayer between me and God, and it's rather personal.  But I decided to go ahead and post it.  Here's why.  I have a very close friend who can relate to this poem/prayer.  She and I benefit from our longs talks, though they are much too infrequent due to the busy-ness of life, because it is so refreshing and helpful to know that there is someone else out there in the world who feels like we do, or has been through some of the same things we have been through, or simply empathizes with us.  I am posting this very raw prayer in regards to my future relationship because I am hoping that if you are going through similar feelings, maybe this will help you feel not so alone on your journey.

My motivation to finally sit down and write this came from a movie I watched today.  For those of you whom God has blessed with true, committed love lives, hold onto them and cherish them.  Protect them.  Do not take them for granted.  Not everyone is as blessed as you are to have what you have. Hold on to your love even tighter through the hard times, and you will be stronger because of it.  The movie I watched today was "Fireproof" - a Christian movie about broken and restored relationships.  It made me cry.  That is the kind of godly love I want to give and to feel... someday.

Someday Doesn’t Have to be Tomorrow: a Prayer
~mg~

God, You know
My deepest desires,
Fears, needs, scars;
The good and bad,
All I have thought and done,
Battles I’ve won,
And universes I’ve wrecked.
Burdens I’ve born,
Injuries I’ve sustained,
My close calls with the grave.
God, You were there
In my darkest of nights.
I know Your hand
Was what kept me
From being crushed completely,
And irreparably destroyed.
I know I haven’t always
Lived the way I should have
In this bewildering,
tangled, dense forest
That is life.
I haven’t always followed
Your path.
But I am now, and have been
For many miles.
Please, God, send me
An Angel to come and hold me
and walk with me,
And learn, grow, be, breathe
With me.
This journey is very hard
Alone.
Is it too late, God,
For love?
I am working diligently every day
To be a godly woman,
A good mother,
A woman
Deserving of true love.
In this cold, confused world,
Is there anyone else out there, God,
Who wants what is right and good?
Is there a man,
Who will be steadfast and true?
Strong and kind?
Who will not seek to break me,
But only to protect me
And lift me up?
Is there a man out there
Who would love my children
As his own?
Who would love You
Most?
Who would capture my
Selective, careful, hidden heart?
For years now I have known
That someday
That man would come into
My life, and boldly turn
His life and my life into
“our life”.
God, You know
I have settled along the way,
On my quest to find
That kind of love.
I have been hurt.
I have been hindered.
I have been halted.
But each wrong turn-
Each unforseen pitfall-
Each devastating blow
Has been an opportunity
To learn and to grow.
Each scar I have been given
Serves as a reminder
That You can make all things
New.
That wounds can heal.
The memory of the pain may remain,
But the hope of a better future
Sings louder.
I can only hope that the dark desolation
I have known
Is but the threshold into something
Bright and beautiful.
I will wait out the night,
And lean into You for my strength,
My God.  My Comfort.
You know my commitment to You.
I could never make it
Without You, Lord.
I would have died
Without Your merciful hand
And saving Grace.
Your gentle, strong Love...
Has brought me back
From the throws of death.
Now it’s all I want to be.
You know, God, my commitment
To Him,
And how I have kept my
Renewed promise
To wait,
Because I know that
Someday
Doesn’t have to be tomorrow.
If he has scars,
I will kiss them,
And thank You that they did not
Destroy Him.
I will see them through gentle,
Sympathetic eyes,
Just the way that You
See mine.
Until someday arrives,
I will keep my gaze
Fixed on the heavens,
And my heart
Set upon only You.
I won’t allow the
Ensnaring vines and
branches in this dark place
To wrap me up
And distract me on this journey.
Protect me, Lord.
Protect him too.
My desire is Your will only.
My goal is whatever You would have
For me.
My purpose is love,
And to teach love.
Your Love.
Your way.
Please,
Send me a strong Angel,
To walk with me
Hand in hand
On the journey,
That we may strengthen each other’s steps,
And unified, love and live.
Until Someday arrives,
I will pray for him.
I will make good choices.
I will save my heart.