Friday, January 25, 2013

Change starts with me...

I had a rough morning.  Woke up tired, and not wanting to be awake.  Another morning of making sure the kids get up and showered and dressed and fed and making lunches for them and reminding them about homework and library books and backpacks and please get your shoes and coats on and having to ask them over and over to do these things, and please hurry so we are not late for school.  I was met with some cooperation and some non-cooperation.  I wasn't in the mood to deal with the non-cooperation at all.

I found myself lecturing my kids almost the whole way to school about how I shouldn't have to ask them to do things like "get dressed", but when I do ask, I certainly shouldn't have to ask several times and then threaten to take away a priviledge before they finally get up and move.  I told them I really need them to start being more responsible and respectful and obedient.  But as I heard myself say these things, I thought, "I really sound like a recording set to repeat, because I have said all of this before.  I have pleaded for their help with the house, responsibility, etc.  But nothing changes for very long.  They inevitably resort back to their old ways.  Is it me?  Am I doing something wrong?  Am I not strict enough or consistent enough or am I too hard on them and expect too much?  They are kids after all.  Maybe I need to be a better example... my room isn't clean either right now... I am failing as a mother."  Oh, the negative self-talk I catch myself in!  It sure doesn't help matters.

I drove home upset, and when I got here, I decided I needed to take a few minutes to reflect on the situation and do a little writing.  I am often guilty of seeing what is happening right in front of me, and missing the importance of seeing the bigger picture.  I stopped and asked myself, "What are the things that are most important in life?  They are: God, love, my children, etc.  They are NOT: a perfectly clean house, perfectly obedient children who get straight A's and never forget anything, etc.  And so I started writing a little advice quote to myself.  And it really helped me to take a step back, breathe and refocus.  Here is what I wrote:

Life is brief.
Spend your time
 and energy wisely.
Learn from mistakes,
 and rise above adversity.
Choose to be content,
 but accept the unexpected.
Be continually grateful.
Give love and be loved.
...And never lose sight
 of the One who
 gave you life.

I am going to be much more positive with my kids this afternoon.  They probably felt like I thought they were "bad kids" this morning, and they really are not.  They are great kids, who just happened to have a bad morning, just like all of us do from time to time.  We all need to remember to see the bigger picture, to quit beating ourselves up when we get off coarse.  It happens.  At this moment, I am going to have another cup of coffee and do some praying, positive thinking and some self-motivation before I start in on my chores and responsibilities.  Change starts with me.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Silent & Still

Finally got it up - an original song I wrote years ago, in my twenties, recorded recently by my brother.  I still feel it every time I sing it.  It's always a good reminder for me.

"Silent & Still"

I haven't heard from You in a while.
I just realized why.
I haven't stopped and listened, and really tried to hear.
I haven't really been silent and still.

I can't count the times I've felt sorry for myself
For the answers I didn't hear.
I pray for solutions, I pray for Your will, but I haven't really listened;
I haven't really been silent and still.

I will not hear Your sweet voice if I'm doing all the talking.
I will not see Your will unless I close my eyes to mine.
I will not know the peace that comes from the power one can feel
Unless I close my eyes open my heart and be silent and still.

Good Enough

"Good Enough"

~mg~  1/24/13

VS 1:
I overheard you talking about yourself.
I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with grief.
The you you perceive, just isn’t the you I see.
You never have to be good enough for Me.

You try and try, you fall, you fail and then you just give up.
Stop trying to earn my Love.
Just take this Gift.  Own this Grace.  Drink from Mercy’s cup.
There is no such thing... as “good enough”.

Vs 2:
Those sorrowful nights when you feel most alone and blue,
I watch tearfully, feeling such sadness too.
I’m waiting to hold you.  Won’t you look up and see?
You never have to be good enough for Me.

You try and try, you fall, you fail and then you just give up.
Stop trying to earn my Love.
So take this Gift.  Own this Grace.  Drink from Mercy’s cup.
There is no such thing... as “good enough”.

No one in this world knows you
Better than I do.
From My Love you cannot escape.
Chastising yourself for being
Fallible and weak,
Distracts you from calling on My strength.

2nd Chorus:
I see your heart, I stand and knock.  Won’t you let Me in?
It’s just Me.  Please, don’t clean up.
See, that’s my job.  It’s what I do.  Let healing now begin.
There is no such thing as “good enough”.