Saturday, August 30, 2008

Afraid of the Dark

So tired of all this running
To things which run away.
Weary of all this needing
And all this lack of faith.
I know that all I've wanted
I already possess,
But I can't find contentment
In this chaotic mess.
God, reach into my madness
And still my weeping heart,
And rid me of this sadness.
It rips my peace apart.
And grant me no condition
On love. I'm yearning so.
I'm feeling so neglected.
I've no where else to go.
Please, wrap Your arms around me,
And be all that I need.
Send Angels to surround me
Cause this darkness to leave.
I know somehow I'll wake up
With a smile on my heart
But right I'm a little
Afraid of all this dark.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

A prayer and a song

Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking and feeling, just for a moment. It is so exhausting. My head and heart hurt. I need rest, Lord Jesus. And peace. I love him, Lord. You know this. I want it to be easier. I want to feel safe. I want no doubts from either side, only a knowing and total faith. Why is this so hard? I can't stop thinking about him, not for one moment. I feel our futures are entertwined, and if this is true, then why are there things that need to be worked out in order for that to be? See... all of these questions make me tired, and all of this missing him makes me blue. I am going to rest. Grant us both epiphanies and prophetic dreams and a love that is deeper than true.


Let Go & Fly

We hold on so tightly,
Afraid to let go,
Afraid we will break
If we let ourselves fall.
But love cannot flourish
Among shrouds of doubt.
There’s so much to nourish
If we’re to find out
The lovely potential
That all this love bears.
Don’t let it be choked out
By all of those fears.
The one thing I promise
To try harder at
Is not throwing walls up
When I’m feeling sad.
Sometimes you do say things
That so wound my heart,
But far worse the pain is
That we are apart.
So please just be careful
With this power to break.
I’ve let you in deeply.
I’ve so much at stake.
But you, love, are worthy
Of life’s greatest risk.
I know that it’s worth it.
I promise you this.
So without abandon,
Let’s let go and fly.
Our passion will lift us.
We won’t have to try.

I want the fairytale.

The Love Cycle

God, my heart aches.
It always seems to happen this way
Just when I let someone in,
I am let down.
All my life, and without fail.
Just when I am brave enough
To chose to let go,
To reach out
To grab hold,
I find I’ve nothing to grasp onto.
Why am I perpetually
Is this my destiny?
Those who try to get me
And those who do,
It’s a brutal battle, and my heart
I don’t know how much more
I can take.
I refuse to throw my pearls
Before swine.
In the end, I always choose to
Protect one heart…
This cycle of love and loss,
Triumph and tears,
Hot then cold…
It’s making me harder,
More numb.
Before long I fear I won’t
Be me anymore.
Why, God, WHY isn’t love
Should I really have to try
This hard?
And if all these feelings
You’ve given me are
Then why are they so very
Is there something I am supposed
To learn?
Is there another lesson in this?
I don’t know if I am
Strong enough
I am crying out to you, Lord…
Hear my plee.
Please, enlighten.
Bring light and softness into
The dark and cold.
Flood peace and security
Into the battered and worn down.
Help me to own that with all
Of my being.
And in Your time,
If it is Your will,
If it’s not too much to ask…
Bring the fairytale,
That I might be forced
To believe.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008



I walk this winding road
There is no other soul
That knows
How deeply I can feel
And it has never been
Suddenly, round the bend
You’re waiting,
Smiling so knowingly,
So patient.
Wanting to know I know
And when you do, you take
My heart in yours,
And I am known.

You walk with me along
My lonely road,
At last, I do not feel
I feel exactly how I’d dreamed
I would.
If I am dreaming, let me sleep!
We could
Break every precedent
And mold;
Obliterate the past
And be truly

I will meet you there. Don’t go anywhere,
But home.
Eye to eye, our souls will touch and be



A ship that’s lost at sea
A cloud without a sky
A bird who cannot sing
A tear that will not dry

And I can’t breathe, and I can’t see
A thing; there’s only you.
I’m aching, longing, needing, wanting
Loving only you.

There are so many miles
That part our kindred souls
I’d sew a stitch in time
To be no more unwhole.

But you are there. Too much I care.
It’s breaking me apart.
I’m not alone, but you’re my home,
And so blue is my heart.

Is my favorite color.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Key of F/Dm

I need You now
More than ever before
I want to make
Choices that only mirror Yours

Jesus, come now to me, and speak

This is my heart
The rest of my life’s at stake
So much to lose
But I have so much to gain

Jesus, come now to me, and speak

Speak not words I long to hear
Speak only Truth in my listening ear

(instrumental – F/Dm)

Speak not words I long to hear
Speak only Truth in my listening ear

Jesus, come now to me

Tuesday, August 05, 2008



I wonder what it would be like
If we could have just swallowed pride.
I wonder where we would be now,
If I’d never have taken that vow.
Would this have ended differently,
If the future was all that we could see,
And the past didn’t matter so much?
Would we be this out of touch?

But it was not enough,
And it will never be.
The gulf was far to wide,
And you can’t fly to me.

The truest tragedy of all
Is the the fact that I have wings,
And if I would have just jumped off,
I could’ve flown us to eternity.
But you said you yearned to experience
“Other Things”, and take the chance
At losing all the ground we’d gained,
Rendering all my love in vain.

It was not enough.
You said you would be “settling”,
So I have to let you run,
As I walk on, wondering……………

Saturday, August 02, 2008

"Daydreaming of Gold"


There is no way to make gold out of sand
It slips through your fingers despite your closed hand
The tighter you squeeze it, the more that it slides
No amount of desire can keep it alive

You cannot hold onto what never was yours
This sick reverie of unreachable shores
Has taken my morning and turned it to blue
This ocean’s so strong and it pulls me from you.

I daydream a lot, and get lost in them too.
Reality’s vision has a tainted view,
So I vanish into a romantic dream,
Where you want me only and you come for me.

Awake, I must let go of all of this want.
I will not build walls now, nor put up a front.
I’ll lie here exposed, very naked and cold
As I’m swept out to sea, daydreaming of gold.