Friday, December 29, 2006

"Again the Fool"

Here I am again the fool
Drowning in an empty pool
Choking on a promise made
Burning in the bed I laid.

Fallen down again it seems
Broken heart and broken dreams
I've come to expect this fate
Love has always made me wait.

Sometimes I think it's my fault
For never feeling loved at all
If I was more lovable
Love would never let me go.

But wallowing in self pity
Defeats the quest for serenity
No one can make me happy
Joy is a choice. It's up to me

And so these dreams I'll let go of
And drop the pursuit of true love
And Look upon the brighter side
And choose to grow and not to hide

I will lift my head up high
I will not let myself cry
I am tired of all the tears
I think that I'll be numb for years

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


It’s hard to sleep when all I do is think

About the things I can’t predict,

I can’t control or understand or see.

I cannot even call and vent.

It’s hard to sleep when you’re so far away.

I know you say it isn’t so,

But I feel deeper into you than you

Might want to admit that you know.

And all I see each time I close my eyes

Is how you look away from mine.

My heart is reaching out again for you.

Your heart is just as cold as ice.

And sometimes you will admit to these truths,

And tell me that’s just how it is.

You will protect your heart at any cost,

But where do I factor in this?

I feel like I mean nothing to you, love,

Nothing more than the hole I fill:

A warm body and an accepting heart.

The problem, though, is that I feel.

If I could just shut off this loneliness,

I think that I could maybe sleep.

If I could settle for an empty wish,

The hurt would not reach down so deep.

But somehow I know the potential here.

The walls that you erect are strong,

But I’ve seen through them to a far off land;

A place I thought that I belonged.

You swore to me almost a year ago

That you would never let me in.

I never believed that you meant it so.

I never thought the past would win.

This year has had its’ share of bitter rain.

We both have slipped and fallen down.

We’ve weather storms. We’ve moved beyond the pain.

I hate to see us drowning now.

Do you think sometimes there just comes a time

That though you fight to make a spark,

You can’t ignite a fire that isn’t there?

Please, was it ever in your heart?

Or did you take a chance on me and hope

That one day you would find yourself

Feeling the way for me I felt for you.

I don’t think that you ever fell.

True love is not something you fall into.

It either is, or it’s not love.

I wonder if you lie awake like me.

I wonder what you’re dreaming of.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Can't Sleep......

I can't sleep....
I am tired of bad dreams.
I am tired of bad days.
Tired of silent screams.
I am ready for peace
And a life full of love;
A heart full of joy
Is all I dream of.
Just what is happening
And where did it go;
The sense of contentment
That I used to know?
I must have done something
To send it away,
And send myself back to
A life that I hate.
Well I am determined
To not lose myself
To all of this darkness;
My own private hell.
The only one who can
Bring me back is You.
I pray you'll bring joy back;
Grant me gratitude.
Please, remove the fear
That stunts my heart's growth.
Please, pull me so near
And cause me to know
That all of my questions,
All my needs and dreams
Are already answered
Because You love me.
I'm sorry that I've strayed
And let go of You....
I know now that's why I
Have slipped away too.

But I am back.... please forgive me. I love you, Jesus.