Friday, December 29, 2006

"Again the Fool"

Here I am again the fool
Drowning in an empty pool
Choking on a promise made
Burning in the bed I laid.

Fallen down again it seems
Broken heart and broken dreams
I've come to expect this fate
Love has always made me wait.

Sometimes I think it's my fault
For never feeling loved at all
If I was more lovable
Love would never let me go.

But wallowing in self pity
Defeats the quest for serenity
No one can make me happy
Joy is a choice. It's up to me

And so these dreams I'll let go of
And drop the pursuit of true love
And Look upon the brighter side
And choose to grow and not to hide

I will lift my head up high
I will not let myself cry
I am tired of all the tears
I think that I'll be numb for years

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

"Awake"

It’s hard to sleep when all I do is think

About the things I can’t predict,

I can’t control or understand or see.

I cannot even call and vent.

It’s hard to sleep when you’re so far away.

I know you say it isn’t so,

But I feel deeper into you than you

Might want to admit that you know.

And all I see each time I close my eyes

Is how you look away from mine.

My heart is reaching out again for you.

Your heart is just as cold as ice.

And sometimes you will admit to these truths,

And tell me that’s just how it is.

You will protect your heart at any cost,

But where do I factor in this?

I feel like I mean nothing to you, love,

Nothing more than the hole I fill:

A warm body and an accepting heart.

The problem, though, is that I feel.

If I could just shut off this loneliness,

I think that I could maybe sleep.

If I could settle for an empty wish,

The hurt would not reach down so deep.

But somehow I know the potential here.

The walls that you erect are strong,

But I’ve seen through them to a far off land;

A place I thought that I belonged.

You swore to me almost a year ago

That you would never let me in.

I never believed that you meant it so.

I never thought the past would win.

This year has had its’ share of bitter rain.

We both have slipped and fallen down.

We’ve weather storms. We’ve moved beyond the pain.

I hate to see us drowning now.

Do you think sometimes there just comes a time

That though you fight to make a spark,

You can’t ignite a fire that isn’t there?

Please, was it ever in your heart?

Or did you take a chance on me and hope

That one day you would find yourself

Feeling the way for me I felt for you.

I don’t think that you ever fell.

True love is not something you fall into.

It either is, or it’s not love.

I wonder if you lie awake like me.

I wonder what you’re dreaming of.



Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Can't Sleep......

I can't sleep....
I am tired of bad dreams.
I am tired of bad days.
Tired of silent screams.
I am ready for peace
And a life full of love;
A heart full of joy
Is all I dream of.
Just what is happening
And where did it go;
The sense of contentment
That I used to know?
I must have done something
To send it away,
And send myself back to
A life that I hate.
Well I am determined
To not lose myself
To all of this darkness;
My own private hell.
The only one who can
Bring me back is You.
I pray you'll bring joy back;
Grant me gratitude.
Please, remove the fear
That stunts my heart's growth.
Please, pull me so near
And cause me to know
That all of my questions,
All my needs and dreams
Are already answered
Because You love me.
I'm sorry that I've strayed
And let go of You....
I know now that's why I
Have slipped away too.

But I am back.... please forgive me. I love you, Jesus.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

"Hideaway"

The world is closing in on me.

I need to get away.

I need to find a place to rest,

A place where I can lay

Every worry and fear down;

Where solace, like the sun

Warms my cool and calloused heart,

And Peace heals tired bones.

I need to find a place to lay

All day beneath clear skies

With not a care to think about,

And no tears in my eyes.

I wish I had someone to be

There with me, who would go

And rest with me in my reprieve,

And hold me very close.

I want to be deeply in love,

And hideaway with him.

I want to be away from life

And start over again.

I want to find a tropical

Island somewhere untouched,

And take my lover there with me

To bask in love and sun.

I think if only dreams came true,

Life wouldn’t feel so tough,

And I could maybe come back to

This place I hate so much;

Because I’d know I’m not alone,

And I would feel refreshed.

But right now, I don’t feel these things.

I feel nothing but stress.

Yes, I know that these are dreams.

I know that I’m alone.

And I know I shouldn’t fear

The future; the unknown.

And Lord, I know I should be grateful

For this life I have

I truly am, but at this moment

I am feeling sad

For all the things that I’ve messed up

And all the things I can’t

Fix and make hurts go away.

I feel so bad for that.

I guess that I’m not strong enough

To make the broken new.

I guess that I’m not tough enough

To savor solitude.

And so I want to run away,

If only for a day

And be alive and be in love

In my dream hideaway.




Tuesday, August 22, 2006

"Enemy Mine"

Enemy mine,

You drive me crazy.

You cause me such deep agony.

Enemy mine,

You fuck it all up,

And make my heart’s dreams history.

You are my foe.

It’s you I loathe.

Much more than these words could express.

I wish you would leave

Me left here to bleed,

But you won’t stop until my death.

I want to run,

But you follow me.

These pictures and memories ache.

Leave me alone

In my agony.

Why is your goal my heart to break?

I’m good at fighting,

A master of walls,

And you can’t outsmart me this time.

I see past your lies.

I see in your eyes

That all of your fears do match mine.

You are going down.

I will take control,

And someday I will soon be free.

Enemy mine,

Your time now has come,

For I’ve seen your face... You are ME.

"Rejection"

I’ve fought so hard for love.

I’ve held on much too long.

I’ve sacrificed my pride,

Just to prove you wrong.

You said that you don’t feel it,

That I was seeing things;

Phantom fantasies of

Love only in my dreams.

My heart aches from rejection,

And after all this time

I look back on the reasons

I longed to make you mine.

I see that they were based on

A one-sided romance.

And now I am so weary,

And much to tired to dance.

I think that I will bow out.

Is it too late for grace?

Pride is not an option.

There’s no way to save face.

I cannot change the past now,

Nor all the ways I’ve failed.

All that I can do here

Is anchor-up and sail.

Away into the unknown

Where love does not exist,

For love has always failed me,

And apathy is bliss.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

"Wings"

I’m standing on the edge of it;

This shaky precipice of change.

And if I get to close to it,

This wind just might carry me away.

But I have wings,

And the unknown

Is nowhere new to me.

Should I let go?

…Or will I fall?

I like the thought of soaring off

Into the realm of the unknown.

I like the thought of taking flight;

Seeking out a place to call home.

But I have chains.

They seem so strong,

But risking loss somehow

Does not feel wrong.

… I want to fly.

I’m scared to utter words like this,

But deep inside, I feel that peace

Welling up and filling me.

Falling will be such release.

Control is not

All that I thought,

And I am ready now

To finally fall.

… For I have wings.

I can’t predict the outcome of

The risk I think I want to take.

Letting go brings such relief.

Letting go brings such heartache.

But if I don’t,

I’ll stand here, chained

To all the love

I’ve felt in vain.

And so I’ll jump,

And trust these wings will carry me

… Beyond.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

"Silence"

The quiet I yearned for

Has become

Deafening.

I don’t want to hear

What you have to say.

I don’t want to hear

My heartbeat.

I plug my ears

And close my eyes;

But the voices,

The images,

The memories,

Do not fade.

I don’t want to feel,

But I wish I were not

So numb.

I want care

Without hurting,

But my heart only knows

All or nothing.

And I cannot wonder

Anymore.

So it’s off.

Passion dissipates

And fades to gray.

I wish I could dream

In color, again.

I wish I could scream

Or cry

Or smile,

But this night’s silence

Speaks.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Some of the deepest prayers are the ones you sing...

I just wrote this song a minute ago - music and all! It's very exciting. It's the first song-song I have written in months. I've been just writing poetry for a while. But I was playing my keyboard this afternoon, and suddenly felt the Holy Spirit come upon me, and this prayer came out. It may be simple, but I wasn't thinking in terms of eloquence as I was singing it.... it's just my heart, raw. It's something I felt I should share.



"Song of Repentance"


You are my God and

I am your daughter,

But you would never know.

I keep on breakin’

Your heart and takin’

For granted how You show

Me unconditional

Love, Because I can’t

Seem to fathom this task.

How could you love me?

How could You give me

So much more than I ask?

~

And all I do is take……

~

Somewhere in between

Who I used to be

And who I am becoming

Is the girl you see.

I’m not much, but I’m me.

All I’ve got’s this song I sing,

But if You will hold me

And not let go of me,

I know I will do You proud.

God, just keep teachin',

And I will keep reachin'.

This is what my life’s about.

~

I just wanna give….

~

God won’t you take this

Song of repentance,

And make my heart clean and new?

I am done runnin’.

Please won’t you come in.

I surrender it all to You.

You are my God and

I am your daughter,

And I could not be more proud

To be called Your own

I can’t wait to come home,

But til’ then I’ll sing out loud,

~

“I love you!”

Monday, July 31, 2006

"Seven Months"

Time’s gone by,

And still we’re here;

Best friends like always, Love.

One thing I know:

You’re nothing but

A gift from God above.

And every day

I thank him for

The friend I’ve found in you.

You are different from the rest.

You are a dream come true.

And through hard times

We still can say

One thing that has not changed:

We are best friends,

We still have love,

And these two will remain.

I love you.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Kutless - "Winds of Change"

“WINDS OF CHANGE”

By Kutless

Can you feel the pains in life?
Wrapped around you like they're chains
Restricting all your dreams
Do you wonder if there is a way?
A way to set you free
Set you free

So tell me all your dreams
Tell me all your fears and what you're longing for the most
It's not another way
That'll end up the same for it's under my control

Do you feel the winds of change?
Soon this weight will fall away
And take you to a place
Only found through these winds of change
A breeze that's new and free
New and free

So tell me all your dreams
Tell me all your fears and what you're longing for the most
It's not another way
That'll end up the same for it's under my control

I'll be the one who you can cry to
The one who will give you wings
I will give you wings

Someday we'll sail away
Mounted up on wings like eagles
We will run and will not fade away

So tell me all your dreams
Tell me all your fears and what you're longing for the most
It's not another way
That'll end up the same for it's under my control

I'll be the one who you can cry to
The one who will give you wings
I will give you wings

The one who will give you wings
I will give you wings
To set you free
The one who will give you wings

Saturday, July 29, 2006

"Dreams"

Maybe I knew it would end up this way
Because I could see to your heart
I saw all the walls that would not go away
I saw how they ripped me apart
I hoped beyond hope that I could tear them down
Exposing what you would not feel
We were always together each night in my dreams
I prayed that the dreams would be real
But when I awoke, Reality crushed
My poor pathetic facade
And showed me that we have let each other down
By not just embracing this love
I wanted it so. I tried very hard
But always I felt so alone
And so I let go, so you could move on
And maybe our hearts could find home.
If not in each other, then I don't know where
I can't even think like that now
All that I know, is I foresaw this day
Now I wish I could end it somehow.
And go back in time, and take back the things
We never intended to say
And choose to be real and choose to just trust
And choose to let walls fall away
But what's done is done. We must look ahead.
I know that we'll always be friends.
This unexplained love will not fade with time
For love always wins in the end.

Friday, July 28, 2006

"Friends"

I know I said I loved you.

I still can say it’s true,

But I can also say that

I am not meant for you.

You and I are different

In the ways of love,

And so I bid you farewell,

And thank our God above

For giving me the chance to

Learn and love and grow,

And I am sure you’ll move on.

It won’t take long, I know.

You, my friend, are special,

And I will always be

One who truly cares so;

Much more than you could see.

So if you need me call me,

And you know I’ll be there.

I’m so glad we are friends.

Please always know I care.

"That Which Will End"

We spend so much time

Running from life…

Finding ways to escape it;

When all we really should be doing

Is living it.

Embracing it.

How can one become aware

Of this agonizing reality,

And yet be unable

To evade it?

How can one find a way

To want to be alive…

I never see the road ahead,

Nor any of us;

And yet we run

With reckless adandon

Into the unknown:

Inevitable loss.

Why?

Why does love become

The pursuit of all we are?

Why does passion consume

And change us so?

So I drown myself

In things which distract

And numb the ache of life.

And I tell myself

It is possible

To live without love,

And be truly alive.

And I inhale deeply

A brave sort of breath,

And I know that I’ll be

Just fine.

Alone.

Alive.

Then the phone rings,

And all at once

All of my courage

Is flushed from my heart,

And replaced by a love

Which devours.

And all of my dreams,

And all my desire

And hope become

Only love.

And life becomes,

Once again,

The painful pursuit

Of that which will

End.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A prayer/song

....life seems to go in cycles. I wrote this song almost exactly 6 years ago. It came to my mind as I was praying this morning. It seems to fit where I am at again.



"All That I Hold Dear"


Wisdom, pain and pride accompanied by

Insecurity and double-eyes.

These are qualities that compile my life;

This is who I am and why I cry.


Yesterday is gone; I can’t erase it.

Bad decisions plague my little life.

All I want to do is make decisions

That fill me with respect and You with pride.


So make me into somebody bigger

Than who I see in this fun-house mirror.

Take me and all that is within me,

And make me make You all that I hold dear.


Self-esteem and wisdom tempered by

Kindness, patience and gentle, humble eyes;

A heart that seeks to serve and not to get praise,

This is what I’m seeking in my life.


And so I pray for more of You inside me.

So I scream and yearn to know Your peace.

Every day will be a growing, learning

Experience of becoming less like me.


Make me into somebody bigger

Than who I see in this fun-house mirror.

Take me and all this is within me,

And make me make You all that I hold dear.


Jesus, you are all that I hold dear.

Monday, July 24, 2006

"Certain"

There are certain things

That cannot be explained

Like true forgiveness

And unconditional love


There are certain things

That cannot be acquired

Like true forgiveness

And unconditional love


But when they are offered

Of a willing heart

There are certain things

That cannot be denied


And logic can tell you

It does not make sense

But when they are present

They cannot be denied


I knew when I met you

The road would be rough

I knew when I saw you

That you were more tough


Than all of the walls

I pretended to build

When deep down I knew

My heart felt fulfilled


Your friendship has shown me

That I’m not alone

The love that you offer

Makes my heart feel home


And though there are times that

The trials seem so great

They cannot compare to

The love that we make


It’s nothing we’ve tried to

Create or imply

It’s simply just something

That we can’t deny


And so I am grateful

In spite of the walls

They do not define us

They don’t let us fall


But somehow deep down

We both know that it’s true

You do love me

And I do love you


Though we can’t explain it

This love is engrained

Upon both our hearts

Both through sunshine and rain


And I will not fight it

I have made my choice

Though I can’t define it

I do have a voice


And so I am screaming

With all of my might

I love you and I will

Not stop ‘til I die.

Monday, July 17, 2006

"What Do You Feel?"

What do you feel

When you think of me?

Do you ever look at me and see forever?


What do you dream

When you drift to sleep?

Do you dream happy dreams of me ever?


What fuels your fire

On days missing that spark?

Do you picture my face and smile?


Do you ever start humming

Songs you don’t mean to

And find yourself lost for a while?



Do you ever drift off

Lost in your thoughts

And realize you are just missing me?


Do love songs invade

That space in your heart

And you find yourself starting to sing?


Do you wonder sometimes

Why you don’t just say

The things on the tip of your tongue?


What do you feel

When you think of me?

Do you feel complete or undone?

Sunday, July 16, 2006

"Fantasies"

I look at you

And see the things

I used to run hard from

I look at you

And dream the dreams

That leave my heart undone

And in your eyes

I see the key

That causes chains to fall

And softness dawns

Upon my heart

And melts these tired walls

When you touch me

The doubting fades

I find myself transformed

From one who hid

And one who feared

I won’t run anymore

I am falling

Into this

And I am happy to

Look at you

And know you see

That I’m in love with you.

Sometimes I still

Find myself here

Thinking of what ifs

But destiny

Is urging me

To throw myself into this

So everything

I have to give

I’m going to give to you

Because, my love,

You’re teaching me

That fantasies can come true.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A Melancholy Reverie

A child

Remembers things

In distorted perceptions,

With naive scrutiny;

Oft’ in exaggerated hues

And abstract shapes.

Reality is ceaselessly muddled

By grow-up eyes.

I perceive things now

Not like I did back then,

When I thought my speculations

To be solid expectations;

However, my tomorrow

Has proven to be unfamiliar,

Cruelly misshapen,

And foreign to my

Juvenile perspective.

I yearn to find

That vantage point

I once possessed.

I wish to close my eyes

And be back there again;

To reminisce…

To hope. To crave. To aspire.

But vague dreams haunt

My factual existence,

And I awake from this reverie

And become despondently aware

That I have not.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Humble Thoughts

Sometimes the best offense is the absence of defense. Sometimes the only way to win is to accept that you may lose. A wise warrior knows there is a time and place for peace, and he stands down. Sometimes the best way to communicate is to be silent. Sometimes God speaks to us when we are not listening so hard for His voice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Pride"


Pride

please go away

And leave me here to cry

Take

the numb away

Let the loss flood my eyes

Sick

Of who I am

And who I fight to be

All

I need is to

Let go and to be me.

God

I need you now

I can’t fight anymore

Rest

Is what I need

Please tow me to the shore

Life

Is only what

I’ve made it out to be

Heal

My hardened heart

And set my spirit free

Pride

I’m letting go

And welcoming the risk

Raw

Is what I choose

I will not run from this

Peace

It suddenly

Washed over me just now

Fight

Has left my heart

I’ll be okay, somehow

Time

Can heal so much

Although it's hard to see

Loss

Is often what

Will bring humility

This

Is not my battle

Armor’s on the ground

Now

I see so clear,

It’s pride that I’ve laid down

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Things I love about you...

You take risks

You don’t let your fears win

You feel deeply

You are aware

You are strong

You find humor in small things

You smile easily

You laugh freely

You aren’t afraid to cry

You are passionate

You are intuitive

You dream big

You accept life as it comes

You listen

You are a wonderful father

You know how to be a friend

You love the Lord

You are playful

You are deep

You have the best lips ever

Your eyes tell secrets

Your heart is soft, deep down

You are creative

You are independent

You allow yourself to need me

You are strong-willed

You know how to be patient

You are super-intelligent

You are confident

You inspire me

Friday, June 23, 2006

"I Choose You"

I choose you

You choose me

We choose love

And we are free

I’m not afraid.

I’m not alone.

I do feel like

My heart is home.

And though some trials

May come our way,

We’ll endure night

And find the day.

Holding hands,

We are a team.

This kind of love

Seems like a dream.

But I have faith

In things unknown.

I choose to stay.

I will not go.

I want you, Love.

I need you, too.

I’ll push past fear

And trust in you.

And in my heart,

I know we’ll last.

I choose the future

Despite the past.

When we’re apart,

I miss you, hun.

You’re in my thoughts

Night and day long.

My heart is yours.

I love you so

You’ve chosen me,

I choose you, Joe.

"Fate"

Decisions often make themselves,

Although we try to fight.

We make our minds up stubbornly,

And force ourselves to try

To let go or to hang on

Or to control our fate.

But Someone else has bigger plans.

All we can do is wait.

Sure, we can get in the way

And choose to ignore signs,

But in the end, all will be known,

And we will see the light.

And so I choose to let Him lead

And not to force my will.

He’s far better at being God

Than me, so I’ll be still.

Sometimes I don’t understand

Why He allows the pain

Until the wound has healed and I

Feel sunshine after rain.

The growing process isn’t fun.

The end result is worth

All the times I humbly chose

To put His power first.

I could choose the easy route.

Instead, I choose to wait

Upon the Lord, who’s ultimately

In control of fate.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

"Potential"

I miss you,

Even though I see you every day.

I tell you.

There are so many love words left to say.

You call me,

And silently sometimes we simply feel.

You made me

Let you in and fall in love for real.

I pray, Love,

Eternity is what we’ve found this time.

I try hard

To let go of the past and start to climb.

I’ll let go

Of all the fears that cause reluctancy.

Please hold me.

Please shelter this, and don’t let go of me.

I love you

For all the reasons you think I should not.

I choose you.

You are the one I need. The one I want.

Potential

Is what we have to stand the test of time.

Forever

Is what I see when I look in your eyes.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

"Fear"

Is it really possible to love me?
Am I really everything you want?
Do you really know what you got into?
Do you really miss me when I'm gone?
All my fears come rushing to the surface
When you tell me things you don't mean to.
I always hear much more than you are saying.
Why am I so scared of losing you?

I hope I don't do the thing I'm known for...
Fall in love, then sabbotage it all,
Just to rush into the inevitable.
Why am I so petrified to fall?
Please hold me close through the trials.
When I pull away, please hold me here.
Something deep inside tells me you're strong enough
To love me and obliterate my fear.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

"Home"

I’ve taken the plunge.

I’ve taken a risk.

And said, “Yes, I want to be yours.”

I’ve never felt quite

As frightened as this,

And never wanted anything more.

A long time ago

You came in my life,

And you stole this mistrusting heart.

But not until now

Did I look in your eyes

And see I had love from the start.

We were just friends

With walls up and fears.

I never thought I’d see the day

You’d pull me close

And gaze into me,

And choose to let fears melt away.

There was always friendship,

There was always love,

But not until now could I sing

Songs of commitment

And choosing to trust;

Songs of the joy your love brings.

So here’s to a new start

With us hand in hand

Walking down roads so unknown.

I am excited

To journey with you.

I feel like my heart has found ‘home’.

Friday, June 09, 2006

"This Love"

I loved you

With everything I was

I waited

For you to fall in love

When you fell and opened up

The thing that shocked me most

Was your heart was closed

That’s what you chose.

I loved you

I think I always will

But this road

Is only uphill

And you won’t climb with me, Love,

I’m on my own and I’m not strong enough

You didn’t take my hand

You didn’t believe in…

This love.



"Goodbye"

Hurt is all that holds me.
I choose now to release
You into the arms of
Your selfish sanctity.
My heart is not a toy,
So save your heartless games.
I don’t know how to play them,
For 'open' is my name.
I exercise my option
To shut the door on this.
Though you’ll, I’m sure, deny it,
It was more than a kiss.
All that you have done has
Represented whom
I do not want to love now.
You have painted you
In my mind as someone
Whom I could never trust.
Fuck rationalizations,
Love should supercede lust!
And all of your cold actions
Have shown your love to be
A fallible fa├žade and
Now just a memory.

Goodbye.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

"The Leaf"

I saw a fragile leaf

It lay on the ground, alone.

It was dry and brown and fragile.

I looked at it and did not see something dead…

I saw beauty,

I knew that it had once possessed life.

It had been through the cycle, and died.

I decided to hold it between my fingertips,

And gazed at it for a while,

Reminiscing of the feeling

Of being once alive.

I decided to burn it.

I held the stem and lit the tip of the leaf…

It did not burn easily,

As if there was a stubborn will within it

To remain.

It finally burned, all the way down to my fingertips.

I watched the ashes float away in the night breeze,

Carrying with them all memory of its existence.

The heat faded, and the smoke drifted,

And then there was nothing.

It was gone.

I reflected.

I equated the leaf to the heart.

It can go from being so full and alive,

New and fresh and growing,

To being withered by the weather

And forgotten by all.

Dry, ugly, and alone.

But once in a while,

Someone, somewhere, will see beauty,

Even in it’s dried up state,

And want to hold it.

But if that someone decides to burn it,

It is, at that point, too fragile to withstand the flame….

And it will wither

And be forever gone.

A heart can only take so much

Before it dies.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

"Fallen Down"

Fallen down I know I’m bigger

Than the girl I used to be

Standing tall and feeling mighty.

I am valiant on my knees.

Vantage points seem to be changing.

Nothing feels the same at all

As imagined before climbing

Out of ruts that made me fall.

I can never let myself be

Who I was when I was me.

My goal is to blacken the dreams

That keep me from being free.

You are all I’m wanting these days.

Other things have faded out.

On my knees I’m so in love, Lord,

The kind of love this life’s about.

Deliverance is what I am seeking.

Other loves seem to distract

From the purpose I was destined

To fulfill. God, take me back

To the place I know I’m wanted;

To the place inside of me.

Where it’s only You and I, Lord.

That’s the Love that sets me free.

Praying now for closure and for

Inspiration to proceed.

I am broken but I’m joyful.

Maybe now You can use me.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

"You Would Rather Be Wrong"

I would’ve given you everything.

You, you gave me a song to sing.

But now, I am singing a different song,

Cuz’ you would rather be wrong.

You would rather be wrong.


Pieces of a battered heart

Are all I hold here in the dark.

Alone, but never broken.

You’ll regret the words you left unspoken.

You’ll regret those words.


Tomorrow is a memory

Of all the dreams I had for you and me.

The funny thing is I know you dreamed them too,

But your heart is all about you.

Your love is only for you.


Someday when your heart wakes up

You will want to call me up,

But I will have moved on,

Cuz’ you would rather be wrong.

You would rather be wrong,

And free.

You’re so free.

Incomplete…

But free.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

"You are a Gift"


You, I thought, were the one.

You, I thought, came along

To give me all that I needed.

I didn’t need what I thought.

You came to me unexpectedly.

You taught me how to be free

To learn to love myself and not to lean

On somebody else to make me me.

I am sorry for the way I took,

When you didn’t have much to give.

But still you stayed by me just like a friend,

So I’ll stand by you to the end.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you giving me

A reason to trust, and so much to love.

You, my friend, are a gift from God above.

Sometimes I’d cry wondering

Why we couldn’t be more than friends.

Answers come in time. Sometimes they

Aren’t the ones for which we pray.

God knows what’s best when I don’t

I’m beginning to trust His will.

I am letting go, but not of you,

Only of the love we weren’t meant to… feel.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you giving me

A reason to trust, and so much to love.

You, my friend, are a gift from God above.



~~~~~~~~

I know I have made this disclaimer before.... the songs don't have good meter because they are not poetry.... they are written set to music, and actually do flow rhythmically.... it just doesn't seem that way when you READ them.



Ummm...... I was really thinking about not posting this one. There are so many I don't post (and so many I wish I didn't post) because they are TOO raw or open or humbling or make me feel vulnerable... blah blah blah. But then I realized... maybe there are other people out there going through the same things..... having the same questions and feelings. And maybe something God has revealed to me through a song might be of enlightenment to someone who stumbles upon my blog. Most of what I write is for self-therapy and a personal outlet. But hey, maybe it can inspire someone or challenge them. If my fumbling attempts at expressing my emotion through writing make someone FEEL, they're worth sharing. I will make myself vulnerable and reveal my deeper emotions every time, if can potentially be a help to someone else.



Friday, May 19, 2006

"Father of Lies"

Verse 1:

You lie to me

You drag me down

You tell me I’m not good enough

You’re everything

I hate about myself

I cannot hide

The fact that I

Fall into your trap sometimes

But now the Light

Exposes you so well

Chorus:

Greater is He

Who is in me

Than you, father of lies!

I won’t be deceived

And I will not fear

For I know the Way, Truth and Life..

And I believe.

Verse 2:

I’m on my way

Away from all

These chains that bind me down

I’m feeling hopeful

Feeling strong

And you cannot turn me around

Chorus:

Greater is He

Who is in me

Than you, father of lies!

I won’t be deceived

And I will not fear

For I know the Way, Truth and Life..

And I believe.