Saturday, April 29, 2006

"Just Friends"

I know you

I read you

I love you

I need you

…just friends.

You know me

You hold me

You get me

You show me

… just friends

Don’t listen

Keep fighting

Keep loving


…just friends

It hurts me

I’m aching

I’m happy

But breaking

…just friends

Someday you’ll

Set love free

And you won’t

Reject me

…just friends.


I’m wishing

For something

That’s missing

…just friends.

My love cannot

Tame you

And I’d never

Change you

…just friends.

Decisions and


Lead us to

This end

…just friends.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

"Already Whole"

I can feel you reaching down

Into my tired state.

You see what’s in my darkened mind.

You see me test my fate.

You never do let go of me.

You never let me down.

And each time that I pull away,

And fall back to the ground,

You pull me back and pull me up,

Consistent and so strong.

You teach me that Your love won’t change.

It’s been there all along.

And nothing I can do can take

Your gift away from me.

You are so unconditional.

Your grace, it sets me free

From all my insecurities,

And all my pain and pride.

Dear God, You are enough for me.

I’m sorry that I hide.

Please take this heart and make it whole

And show me all I need

Is everything that I already

Have inside of me.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Agonizing Bliss

My flesh is at war against me.

I am weak; unarmed.

My spirit is wounded,

And in no position to fight.

I am left exposed,

Vulnerable and fragile.

I remember a time

When I was so strong.

Tenacity has been washed away

By tides of blood;

Washed up

Over years of battles lost.

I don’t even notice the scars


I wish I could care

That I don’t care.

I wish I were afraid.

And could run away,

But I numbly close my eyes

And anticipate the fall.

I am merely awaiting my loss

And the day of defeat,

When I can plummet into

The familiar cavern of guilt,

And bask in the ecstasy

Of failure.

Sin is such agonizing bliss.

Monday, April 17, 2006


The secrets you don’t share,

I see.

I know them in the depths

Of me.

The lies that leave your lips

Fall dead,

For I can hear more than

You said.

My heart may recoil from

The fear

That petrifies and makes


Feelings that were always


I do not question why

I care.

I may not understand

This now,

But deeper purpose is,


And I know that if never


Reveals the truth of heart

And mind,

I’ll always be grateful

For this.

I’ll never regret what

I’ve missed.

In saving all my heart

For you.

I’m reserved ‘til facades

Are through.

"Kindred Soul"

I cannot think of a time

When I felt completely secure.

I cannot think of a soul

That did not view me as obscure.

I do not feel loved.

I do not feel known.

And right about now,

I want to go home.

I wish just one person would give

The way that they want to receive.

I wish just one person could love

With not one intent to deceive.

I’m feeling no warmth.

I’m not finding hope.

I feel I am reaching

The end of my rope.

I wish I could finally trust,

And fall into the arms of one

Who holds me like I am his all;

Who’s arms make me feel I am home.

But no one can give

The way that I give,

And no one thinks love

Is the point to live.

I’ll go on accepting this load,

And wage the brave battle within.

I’m so used to fighting alone.

I’ll swallow my wishes again.

I’m tired of the ache.

I need to find rest;

To lay my head on

A kindred soul’s chest.

Where are you… do you ever dream of me?

Friday, April 07, 2006

"The Numb Room"

The room in which I awoke

Was dark and quiet.

The air was thick and stale,

And I felt heavy and dazed;

As if my body was made of led,

And my mind was stuck on pause.

I looked around and tried to care

In this isolation,

But the only feelings I could muster

Were weariness and apathy.

This was a strange place.

I felt a stranger to myself.

And so I arose and walked about,

Numb and devoid of passion,

Adjusting to my new home.

Was I crazy? Was I asleep?

Did a thief come along

With malevolent intent,

And cloaked in darkness,

Rob me of my resolve, my sanity;

Stealing my heart and hope?

I didn’t know,

But that did not bother me.

I felt no cause for concern.

I felt nothing at all.

My only objective

Was to drift back into slumber,

And I didn’t care a bit

If I never awoke again.

As the days went by,

I grew fond of my dark surroundings.

The walls were my family,

And solitude, my friend.

I did nothing.

I was nothing.

I aspired to nothing more

Than to exist…

With risk and chaos and

The ache of loss

Locked safely outside

My haven of seclusion.

Numb was my only emotion,

And in this prison,

I felt free.