For each of you who sent love and prayer and good wishes after my heart attack..... I LOVE YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!
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"Death Bed Garden Song"
♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡
Too often, I awoke crying,
I'd mourn after each aching morn.
I'd suffered too many heartaches.
I'd endured such endless scorn.
Love was my gift, wholly given,
Reciprocated unequally.
Unseen its' match, until Heaven.
Content I tried real hard to be.
Mankind is much better at taking.
We love to be loved, and then hide
All of that treasure buried deep.
No desire to give from inside.
A day came when angrily I questioned,
"Why did You leave me HERE?!"
I'd allowed hopelessness to take root.
My love was being choked out by fear.
Before it was time, my heart gave out.
It cracked beneath all the worlds' weight.
"I will never know love like I've given."
Loss and sorrow, they'd weakened my faith.
So, alone and unloved, I sank downward
Into a dank, dark, shallow space.
"Can I please come Home now, dear Jesus,
For You are my one resting place?"
But, morning glories reached down in rescue.
Fireflies beamed, "No, not today."
Nature and God worked together
To dig up my premature grave.
Hummingbirds hummed a sweet lullaby.
Tulips and butterflies joined in.
All toiling in love, beauty, duty;
In want of my life not to end.
Awakened at last, now, I saw it!
Sweet love like I'd not before known.
There, built all around me, a garden
Built by family, friends, love... all my own!
And each of them whispered things to me,
Songs of healing and life to my soul.
Such light radiated from this place.
We joined hands. "We're alive and we're home."
I will never again doubt my purpose.
I was placed here to give and receive love.
"Even down in shadows, unabandoned,
You have held me, strong Father, above.
You've assured me I'm meant to heal here, now,
In this garden that breathes out and in LIFE!"
I will keep giving out all that's been blessed me.
I will live Love and radiate Light.
-- Monica Grossman Wagner -
Nov. 24, 2018
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Additionally, here are just a few of the things I contemplated, processed, acknowledged, learned, decided while I had plenty of time to think, stuck for days in a hospital bed, unable to move or lift my head. Thanksgiving was the hardest, and the most affective. You are not alone or hopeless, ever.......
☆ contemplating rejection is a long, downward spiral
☆ recognizing unrequited love (one-sided) is a very dark place to wake up
☆ realizing mankind's natural tendency to seek self above all else sucks
☆ questioning God's higher ways, and battling temptation to mistrust Him is real
☆ Realizing my heart was weaker than I thought, thus, subsequently, it broke was both humiliating and liberating, simultaneously.
☆ the tempting lie of death as an escape is relentless
☆ Angelic deliverance is stronger, and timelessly persistent
☆ Requited, Divine Love truly DOES exist and is indestructible
☆ Hope is constant and quietly there, waiting to be noticed and subscribed to
☆ Salvation is pursuant and inescapable
☆ Predestination is. We each have Divine purpose.
