Thursday, December 11, 2008


"My Invisible Foe"

I am tired of throwing pity parties.
I am tired of running away.
I am tired of rebelling.
I am tired of fighting an invisible foe.
I am desperate for healing.
I am yearning for rejuvenation.
I want my scars gone.
I want no trace of my past to remain.
I want to he healthy...whole...happy.
I want no habits, hang-ups or fears.
I am tired of feeling like a failure.
I am ready to taste success.
Please come and heal my heart.
For once and for all, every part.
Please be my strength when I am weak.
And give me the strength to trust.
I put too much weight on the things that hurt.
I focus too much on the long road ahead.
I quickly forget all the mountains I've climbed.
I am born to fight. Conquer. Win.
No more pity parties.
It's time to move on.
The battle is on.
My invisible foe must die.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008


And no one could
The way they would
If I were good

I'm broken down.
Knocked to the ground.
I just may drown
If I'm not found

Am I so bad?
I'm often sad.
Such flaws to add.
I've never had

And no one sees
All that is me.
It hurts deeply
To fail to be

You try to hide.
But I have eyes.
Have I not tried

I'll do my best
To pass your test
It hurts my chest;
I've not progressed

To own your dreams,
Be all that gleams,
And never see
That I don't seem

One day I'll fly
Up to the sky
Where by and by
I will have cried

And I'll just be
Just simply me.
It will be glee
To finally be

Thursday, November 20, 2008

"Love's Metaphor"

MG (For Rob)

Just like the Redwoods, sturdy... strong.
A soft, northern breeze, hums our song.
And like the waves caress the shore,
Unceasingly return for more,
So is our love, so solid... deep,
And ever constant... ours to keep,
Protect and cherish starting now,
And ending not. Sealed with a vow.
So if you find yourself one day
Among those Redwoods far away
You must recall love's metaphor.
And if your feet do touch the shore,
Please take a moment. Reminisce
The ocean's depths and true love's kiss,
And know that you have true love known.
For once, for always. Breathe. Be home.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My Mission Statement

I will not accept spiritual attack.
I will foster neither anger nor resentment.
I will not allow myself to hold any grudges.
I will leave the past in the past.
I refute attacks on my self-confidence.
I will not be defensive.
I will not build walls, nor retreat in fear.
I will not overreact, nor allow myself to be overly emotional.
I reject Satan's attacks and lies. My God is stronger.
I rebuke worry about finance and survival.
I disclaim the lie that I am unlovable.
I embrace faith and peace.
I will open my arms to God and all of His love.
I will live in a constant state of graciousness and contentment.
I will strive to be continually better.
I will purpose to be strong and immovable, through Him.
I will reject any thoughts of not being good enough.
I will be, can be and am loved.
I will thank God every day for life.
I will praise Him each moment for all of my blessings.
I embrace today, and find value in each moment.
I will search for opportunities to be kind.
I am Jesus, through the eyes of the those I encounter.
I will not lose sight of the beauty in that fact.
I will give with intensity and passion.
I will allow myself to open-heartedly receive.
I will live in a constant state of awareness.
I welcome His Spirit into every dark corner of me.
I am a well full of God, and love is my outlet.
I am excited about the future, because it is beautiful, and blissfully blessed.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


Innocent child with dreams so big.
Eyes widened by the world.
A heartache flood, it grew her up.
I lost that little girl.
And then you came and took away
The walls I'd built 'round hope.
I'm falling up into the sky.
I'm learning to let go...

To love and live
And take and give
To hope and dream
And know and be

In human form, love's not the norm
At least not like I know
It's meant to be, so perfectly,
So unconditional.
Back then I felt the future, but
I lost faith for a song.
When He made you, my dreams came true.
I knew that all along...

We'd love and live
And take and give
We'd hope and dream
And know and be

You're teaching me some deeper things
That I've known all along.
You're showing me so lovingly.
You're soft, but very strong.
You're all the proof I'll ever need
That true love does exist.
I'm soaring now. You've taught me how.
And all I need is this...

To love and live
And take and give
To hope and dream
And know and be

Monday, October 20, 2008

"A Mighty Storm"

They say big waves cannot sink a boat
With sails unwavering, faith keeps it afloat.
But I guess I am lacking once again;
A mighty storm intimidates and I cannot swim.
I can't see out. Darkness does enshroud.
Soaked to the bone, monstrous waves surround.
So I cry out through the howling wind,
"Come now, Savior and rescue me again!
Guide me to Peace..."

I feel suddenly that the storm will pass.
I know with certainty I'll see the sun at last.
Trusting, knowing, You're all that You say.
Peace is coming. It's not far away.
And when I awake to a glorious morn,
When no threat pursues, and calm is reborn;
I will look up and thank You for the rain,
For Your grace shines brighter after pain.
I feel Your Peace...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

"Free Fall"

You put up with
Walls that I give.
You don't run away.
You don't deserve
This life, those words.
I can't make things change.
I want to grant
More than I am;
More than you give to me.
I want not to
Run, save to you.
I just can't break free.
I am tied to
All the lies you
Won't let you believe.
I want to let go,
Fall into you,
But these fears won't leave!
Don't let me run.
When will you come
And rescue my heart?
Now is crazy.
Then is hazy.
I've so many scars.
I can't expect.
You're not perfect.
This is no fairy tale.
You accost me,
I've no reprieve.
I just fade to gray.
Be my white knight
Please, let's not fight.
I'm too weak to try.
It's been so long
Since I have sung.
I'm too numb to cry.
Bring back laughter,
Happily ever after,
And all the dreams that fell.
Do I ask too much?
Am I out of touch?
You know me very well.
Am I too broken
To ever move on
And live a life of love?
Please be strong now.
I know you know how.
Be all that I've dreamed of.
I'll come around.
I will be found
Where you saw me last.
Please be patient,
Solid, intent,
With compassion vast.
I need your softness
Tender caress
Come cradle my heart
And I will drop walls
Run and free fall
Right into your arms.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

"I Choose You"

Key of C major
MG for RA

"Soul mates" that's what we say, Love,
But I don't know if forever is enough.
I choose. I choose you, love.
I choose. I choose you, love.

All the past fades when I'm in your arms.
It's your soul, your depth, your charm.
I choose. I choose you, love.
I choose. I choose you, love.

I don't know why I waited so long to come.
I don't know where I was before falling home.

I choose you, love.
I choose you, love.


I don't know why I waited so long to come.
I don't know where I was before falling home.

I choose. I choose you, love.
I choose. I choose you, love.

I choose you, love.
I choose you, love.

Saturday, September 13, 2008



If there is any chance
You could walk away
After we have danced,
Seen and swooned and swayed;

If looking in my eyes
Is not all you need,
I will believe not lies
That lead my heart to bleed.

I'll hear beyond the words,
And see beyond the dream,
And let the actions speak,
And let inaction scream.

And if my children are
A competition in
That selfish mind of yours,
Then no one really wins.

Everybody loses
When nobody believes.
God's knowledge is far greater
Than what you think you need.

He knows how to fulfill you,
And me and them at once,
Surprise us all with blessings,
Leaving fears undone!

How could there be a chance
That you would walk away?
If He's Who guides the journey,
Then He's why you should stay.

Your faith in me is lacking.
It's causing me to doubt.
I tempts to thwart the chance of
At long last finding out.

But I will accept peace now.
Just now I feel it too.
I do not know the future.
"Maybe" will have to do.

I need reprieve....

I am aching and broken.
I feel alone. Scared. Tired. Overwhelmed.
Why does life have to be so hard?
Why can't You just come and take me away?
Or bring me joy and peace
that never fades?
I am a little mad at You.
But I know I should only be mad
at myself.
I am foolish. Unwise.
Selfish. Immature.
I make bad choices sometimes,
and then expect You to swoop in
and fix them.
I yearn to feel loved,
Yet I push everyone away.
Isn't there anyone on earth
Who can and will love me deeply,
In spite of me???
Do I deserve to be alone?
Am I to suffer Hell on earth
As atonement for the sins of my past?
I want to have a happy, whole family...
But it's already broken.
I am unwhole.
I can't stop crying....
Where did these tears come from,
And why can't I turn them off?
I am crying out for
a miracle!
And God, if it's not too much to ask,
Please send me a financial miracle too.
I know I have no one to blame but myself,
But I need help out of this hole.
I am desperate.
It's been so long since I've cried,
I just can't stop.
I want to run away... to hide...
I want to be held and loved...
I need reprieve.
Jesus, PLEASE come to me.
Please hold my heart.
Please fix everything.
Please help.
I need you.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

"What Ifs"

"What Ifs"

I want to build a life with you,
A life that's strong and sound,
But all this lonely wanting only
Spins us round and round.
The "If" I will and "when" I will
And "Can I" and "I will" 's
Just make this fated journey
Only all the more uphill.
There's far greater than meets the eye
Or ear or touch or all
That could detour from passion
And the caution makes us stall.
I want to taste and touch and know
All that I feel within,
But fear ignites the urge to run
And deem this all a sin.
But what if once love could be true
And more real than my fears?
Then wouldn't it be worth the risk
To blot out all these years
That I have wasted on "what ifs"
And at last finally know
That I am meant for one and one is
Meant to true love show?

Sunday, September 07, 2008

"Circular Flight Patterns"


Endless we go round and round.
We never seem to touch the ground.
Flying so fast makes my head spin.
I catch my breath; we reel again!
Sweet misery in discovering
Just where I end and you begin.
Anguish of old marks this process.
I've suffered unnumbered losses.
But you should never have to pay
For former lives that triggered ache,
And left me to defend my walls,
Letting no soldier in at all.
Just waiting, hiding, wondering
If you would come and rescue me
With amorous, protective wings,
Clairvoyant love, and all those things;
And see right through my thin armor,
And hear not my defensive words,
Nor listen when I say, "I can't",
But kiss me when I start to rant.
And as we fly around again,
You never seem to let me win,
Nor sail away into the past
You hold me firm. You hold me fast.
You disallow me to retreat,
Conclude if I'll land on my feet,
Or lie and say that I don't care.
You know me well. You're everywhere
And high above the land below,
I'm knowing I'm about to know
How set apart we truly are
Despite the past. Despite the scars.
I do get scared of falling, though,
But I can't fear the great unknown.
For if I choose to not look down,
I think we'll stop this round & round
And forward fly, against the odds
Into the realms of Love and God.
And then this finding out will be
A not unpleasant reverie.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Afraid of the Dark

So tired of all this running
To things which run away.
Weary of all this needing
And all this lack of faith.
I know that all I've wanted
I already possess,
But I can't find contentment
In this chaotic mess.
God, reach into my madness
And still my weeping heart,
And rid me of this sadness.
It rips my peace apart.
And grant me no condition
On love. I'm yearning so.
I'm feeling so neglected.
I've no where else to go.
Please, wrap Your arms around me,
And be all that I need.
Send Angels to surround me
Cause this darkness to leave.
I know somehow I'll wake up
With a smile on my heart
But right I'm a little
Afraid of all this dark.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

A prayer and a song

Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking and feeling, just for a moment. It is so exhausting. My head and heart hurt. I need rest, Lord Jesus. And peace. I love him, Lord. You know this. I want it to be easier. I want to feel safe. I want no doubts from either side, only a knowing and total faith. Why is this so hard? I can't stop thinking about him, not for one moment. I feel our futures are entertwined, and if this is true, then why are there things that need to be worked out in order for that to be? See... all of these questions make me tired, and all of this missing him makes me blue. I am going to rest. Grant us both epiphanies and prophetic dreams and a love that is deeper than true.


Let Go & Fly

We hold on so tightly,
Afraid to let go,
Afraid we will break
If we let ourselves fall.
But love cannot flourish
Among shrouds of doubt.
There’s so much to nourish
If we’re to find out
The lovely potential
That all this love bears.
Don’t let it be choked out
By all of those fears.
The one thing I promise
To try harder at
Is not throwing walls up
When I’m feeling sad.
Sometimes you do say things
That so wound my heart,
But far worse the pain is
That we are apart.
So please just be careful
With this power to break.
I’ve let you in deeply.
I’ve so much at stake.
But you, love, are worthy
Of life’s greatest risk.
I know that it’s worth it.
I promise you this.
So without abandon,
Let’s let go and fly.
Our passion will lift us.
We won’t have to try.

I want the fairytale.

The Love Cycle

God, my heart aches.
It always seems to happen this way
Just when I let someone in,
I am let down.
All my life, and without fail.
Just when I am brave enough
To chose to let go,
To reach out
To grab hold,
I find I’ve nothing to grasp onto.
Why am I perpetually
Is this my destiny?
Those who try to get me
And those who do,
It’s a brutal battle, and my heart
I don’t know how much more
I can take.
I refuse to throw my pearls
Before swine.
In the end, I always choose to
Protect one heart…
This cycle of love and loss,
Triumph and tears,
Hot then cold…
It’s making me harder,
More numb.
Before long I fear I won’t
Be me anymore.
Why, God, WHY isn’t love
Should I really have to try
This hard?
And if all these feelings
You’ve given me are
Then why are they so very
Is there something I am supposed
To learn?
Is there another lesson in this?
I don’t know if I am
Strong enough
I am crying out to you, Lord…
Hear my plee.
Please, enlighten.
Bring light and softness into
The dark and cold.
Flood peace and security
Into the battered and worn down.
Help me to own that with all
Of my being.
And in Your time,
If it is Your will,
If it’s not too much to ask…
Bring the fairytale,
That I might be forced
To believe.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008



I walk this winding road
There is no other soul
That knows
How deeply I can feel
And it has never been
Suddenly, round the bend
You’re waiting,
Smiling so knowingly,
So patient.
Wanting to know I know
And when you do, you take
My heart in yours,
And I am known.

You walk with me along
My lonely road,
At last, I do not feel
I feel exactly how I’d dreamed
I would.
If I am dreaming, let me sleep!
We could
Break every precedent
And mold;
Obliterate the past
And be truly

I will meet you there. Don’t go anywhere,
But home.
Eye to eye, our souls will touch and be



A ship that’s lost at sea
A cloud without a sky
A bird who cannot sing
A tear that will not dry

And I can’t breathe, and I can’t see
A thing; there’s only you.
I’m aching, longing, needing, wanting
Loving only you.

There are so many miles
That part our kindred souls
I’d sew a stitch in time
To be no more unwhole.

But you are there. Too much I care.
It’s breaking me apart.
I’m not alone, but you’re my home,
And so blue is my heart.

Is my favorite color.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Key of F/Dm

I need You now
More than ever before
I want to make
Choices that only mirror Yours

Jesus, come now to me, and speak

This is my heart
The rest of my life’s at stake
So much to lose
But I have so much to gain

Jesus, come now to me, and speak

Speak not words I long to hear
Speak only Truth in my listening ear

(instrumental – F/Dm)

Speak not words I long to hear
Speak only Truth in my listening ear

Jesus, come now to me

Tuesday, August 05, 2008



I wonder what it would be like
If we could have just swallowed pride.
I wonder where we would be now,
If I’d never have taken that vow.
Would this have ended differently,
If the future was all that we could see,
And the past didn’t matter so much?
Would we be this out of touch?

But it was not enough,
And it will never be.
The gulf was far to wide,
And you can’t fly to me.

The truest tragedy of all
Is the the fact that I have wings,
And if I would have just jumped off,
I could’ve flown us to eternity.
But you said you yearned to experience
“Other Things”, and take the chance
At losing all the ground we’d gained,
Rendering all my love in vain.

It was not enough.
You said you would be “settling”,
So I have to let you run,
As I walk on, wondering……………

Saturday, August 02, 2008

"Daydreaming of Gold"


There is no way to make gold out of sand
It slips through your fingers despite your closed hand
The tighter you squeeze it, the more that it slides
No amount of desire can keep it alive

You cannot hold onto what never was yours
This sick reverie of unreachable shores
Has taken my morning and turned it to blue
This ocean’s so strong and it pulls me from you.

I daydream a lot, and get lost in them too.
Reality’s vision has a tainted view,
So I vanish into a romantic dream,
Where you want me only and you come for me.

Awake, I must let go of all of this want.
I will not build walls now, nor put up a front.
I’ll lie here exposed, very naked and cold
As I’m swept out to sea, daydreaming of gold.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


For my Soul Mate

As I wander on this lonely road
I am wonderin’ if you are alone
Thinkin’ of me, praying for me too.
I just wish this road would lead to you.
I got hasty, and wandered off the path
Now I wish that I could just go back
I’m left asking myself if I ever can
Did I fall too far and change the end?
Is there hope for such a wretched soul?
Will I ever feel that I am whole?
Something in me tells me that I would
If I had stayed on coarse the way I should.

Please tell me it is not too late
To find you still waiting at the gate
Of my heart, I will give the key
To you. Run to me.

I am sorry for the things I’ve done
I’m so sorry that I always run…
I’ve made choices that I do regret
I had lessons I had not learned yet.
Now I’m wiser and so very blue
All that learning led me far from you
Won’t come and find me and forgive?
Life is too short to decide to live… alone.

Please tell me it is not too late
To find you still waiting at the gate
Of my heart, I will give the key
To you. Run to me.

I do believe…
I do believe…
I do believe in forever.
I’ll wait for you…
Run to me…
I’ll be yours forever.

Please tell me it is not too late
To find you still waiting at the gate
Of my heart, I will give the keyTo you. Run to me.

Meloncholy Song in A minor

Rain Wish

Verse 1:
I wish it would rain
I want the clouds to roll
Thundering is my heart
Storms are brewing in my soul

Without shelter, I walk.
I don’t have a place to go
I am praying it will pour
Drought has taken such a toll.

And I run without direction
Wanting rivers to wash me away
All exposed, with no protection
All alone and losing faith.

Verse 2:
As I hum a sad, sad song
Bitterness does sing along
I may wither in this heat.
Am I right or very wrong?

I am tired. In need of rest
I can’t take it anymore
Weary travels, lonely heart.
Rain on me. Just let it pour.

And I run without direction
Wanting rivers to wash me away
All exposed, with no protection
All alone and losing faith.
...if only it would rain.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

"How to Love"

There is no try, only do or die.
And if we don’t, we will.
It is not enough to acknowledge love,
Yet remain unmoved and still.
It takes nurturing and a gentle touch,
And a heart that deeply knows.
It takes more than time, one must cultivate,
Or the seed will never grow.
If this is divine, and I’ve seen the signs,
We’ve responsibilities
To each other now, and I know somehow,
That you don’t completely see.
We must cherish, love, protect and trust,
And be open, raw and real.
For if we are not, this is all for naught,
And the road will be uphill.
It cannot be forced, nor be wearisome.
It’s the heart that drives the will.
I don’t know if you’ll ever truly feel
I could ever make you whole.
It is deep desire and an unquenched fire
That will only own my soul.
I am meant for one. One is meant for me,
And to that end I will act
Each and every day in a selfless way
For our love is more than fact,
It is sanctified. I feel overwhelmed
By the possibility
That I finally “get” how to love perfect,
But may find you won’t love me.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Eyes of Stone

So much passion and love
But is it enough?
I would give just about anything
To look into those eyes
…of stone.

Don’t you ever tell me if
You can’t feel it in my kiss.
Apathy must be such bliss.
Will I find out that your heart
…is cold?

Do you feel a little numb?

I am feeling searing burn.
Will you ever, ever come?
Will that fire return?
….come home.

You can’t argue with truth,
And I won’t argue with you.
You either love me or you don’t.
I will see it in those eyes
…and know.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

"Far Away"


Verse 1:
How come everyone around me seems to be in love
I’m the only one I know who’s all alone
How come every time I’m feeling lost & lonely
All I really want is for you to come home.

Lover’s holding hands and gazing in each other’s eyes
Makes me jealous cuz’ how I want that with you
I do believe in fate, but you’re so far away, & late at night
Alone, awake in bed, the timing makes me blue.

The thing that really gets to me the most
Is how you always seem to be just fine
Do you ever go insane just missing me
Or are these lonely moments only mine?


Verse 2:
When you think of destiny does my face come to mind?
When thoughts of forever find me, they find you.
For so long I’ve held my whole heart sacred
You’re the only one I could want to give my whole heart to

But is it to happen when the circumstances hold us back
And how is it to be when I’m not even sure you’re there
Every time I pray questions go unanswered. Silence.
Why don’t you run to me, and set all this love free, if you dare?


Is this love to happen when the circumstances hold us here?
Come and run to me, and set these questions free…



I’m wanting to explore these mountains
I want to reach great heights with you
I’ve never felt so high on hope and
I’ve never felt such altitude.
You are all of my childish hopes and
You consummate all of my dreams
I’ve wished for this on so many stars
I’ve prayed for you always it seems

And now you are the only star I see
It’s only you that holds my heart and soul
Just now I realized I’ve reached the summit…
I am home.

"Precious Morning"


This is my peaceful morning.
It’s solely mine to hold.
I relish in this moment.
It’s cherished more than gold.
You are my loving Father,
Who’s given me the world.
The lovely morning sunrise;
My gorgeous baby girl.
Who’s sleeping peaceful right now
Right next to me in bed.
I look out of my window,
Then look down at her head,
And I am filled with such love,
Complete and utter bliss.
Thank you, precious Jesus,
I really needed this.
The sunrise is a love note
Written from your heart
To show me you still love me.
You never did depart.
And I could never feel more
Than on this quiet morn
Just gazing at my daughter
Just like the day she was born.
She’s beautiful and pure,
And as she sleeps I know,
God gives me soft reminders
That I’m never alone.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

A new song in D minor....

"Unrequited Love"
June 21, 2008

Some say jaded; I’m numb.
I do yearn to fall in love.
Fragmented memories & fairytales
Are all my dreams consist of.

Is my hard heart shattered
Beyond the point of all repair?
Will anybody shove these walls
Until there are no walls there?

This love so unrequited
Will not leave me alone.
Ever so uninvited,
For it has not a home.

Wanting desperately in earnest,
In all honesty, to find
The twin soul who deserves this
Love that’s one of a kind.

Many suitors have fallen
I could pave a road with hearts
I have rendered feeble; broken
By my callous battle scars.

One cannot fight a stubborn heart
Or risk defeat if forfeit precludes
Any further war wounds be born
Immovable, I cannot lose.

But I fear that this is sabotage.
I am utterly alone.
Barriers do not merely protect
They keep soldiers from coming home.

Do you see my deep conflict?
Words cannot describe at all!
Wanting desperately to give and to receive the gift of love,
But I cannot…… fall.

Monday, January 07, 2008

"This Winter"

This Winter
It’s winter and I forgot
The promise I made You, God.
I’ve never felt so alone… take me Home…
I never meant to grow cold.
As the snow falls down
You cover me
As the rain falls down
You cleanse me
As Your peace falls down
You wash over me.
Forgive me. Please enter…
This winter.
It’s only too late if I
Refuse to let go and try
I will fall back into grace… love and faith…
Forgive these sins I cannot erase.
As the snow falls down
You cover me
As the rain falls down
You cleanse me
As Your peace falls down
You wash over me.
Forgive me. Please enter…
This winter.
….this winter….

Tuesday, January 01, 2008


I always look toward
Greener pastures.
I arrive;
They appear
A deeper shade of faded.
I can’t keep up with this
Tenacious pursuit.
I have responsibilities…
Fallibility comes calling,
And I find myself
There may never
Come that day
When I realize
I have arrived…
But as long as I am
I will hope.
This is my idiosyncrasy.
I contrast against
And I always seem to lose
When I choose
If life just like that?
Am I simply
Destined for failure?
You know the truth,
And I know, like you,
I am bigger than
This maze.
Games were never
My forte.
I sometimes contemplate
While I am ahead.