"Catch Me"

I push them all away,
Then wonder why nobody’s there.
Build walls, keep them at bay,
Then wonder if anyone cares.
Deny my need for love,
Then crave it more than anything.
I wish I could be loved.
I wish I could be loved.

Receptive to their needs;
Defying my own.
I’m longing to reach out,
While tying my hands down.
I look to God above,
Then close my eyes to miracles.
I wish I could be loved.
I wish I could be loved.

Break me.
Break down my walls.
Take me.
Please just take it all.
My heart
Is too afraid to fall.
Only You can make the broken new.
Catch me, as I fall.. into You.

I fall into You and find home.
I fall into You and I know
You're the only One who ever loved me...

New Course

How many times must we wander the same aimless path, before it dawns on us that we are still getting nowhere? Someone once said the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over again, expecting different results. That's a scarey thought! I find myself doing that a lot! I really want to chose differently, from this point forward. I really want to wake up and feel truly liberated, rather than merely aiming for freedom. I always say, the only way to fail is to quit trying, soooo.... time to try a different route. I think I will let God plot the course this time. Time to give faith a shot. ~M~

"Almost There"

I walk without direction
At dusk. Suffer the heat,
There is no irritation;
No sound, save tired feet.

And all that I can think of
In midst of disarray,
I just how deeply peaceful
Your spirit felt today.

And gratitude pours through me.
Joy pulses in my veins.
This feels so much like pleasure;
This peace, it mutes my pain.

True, there are things I long for,
Things long I’ve craved to know;
But blessings I once ignored
Abound and overflow.

And in time broken pieces
All fall right into place.
For now I am content with
The way You mend my faith.

No hope have I but this one:
You, my refuge become.
I’ll not fabricate solace;
Deceit weighs freedom down.

I stop and breathe this stillness.
I taste the tranquil air.
My soul feels vastly lighter.
I think I’m almost there.

"Surrender"

The flesh at war with spirit.
The soul conflicted so.
The heart in need of love.
The body weak and worn.
The darkness seems unveiling.
I'm weakest in the night.
It seems that I am failing
At being whole and right.
The answer's out there somewhere
If not, I make my own.
If it takes too long to find peace,
I find myself a brand new home.
But running never gets me
Anywhere but lost.
The farther that I run,
The weightier the cost.

Why do I do the things I do?
I look for change but look from You.
Search me and know me, cleanse my every flaw.
I surrender all.

Destination unknown;
I see the light ahead.
I fear the path I'm taking,
Though more the path I've tread.
I chose to be a fighter,
And not be victimized.
I chose to let go of the past,
And look up to the skies.

Why do I do the things I do?
I look for change but look from You.
Search me and know me, cleanse my every flaw.
I surrender all.
Jesus, I surrender all.

Moni

The Journey Towards Liberation

Many people ask me why I like butterflies... it is simple: the butterfly is the epitomy of freedom. To me, a butterfly is beautiful, peaceful, fragile, strong, gentle, tranquil, independent, whimsical and driven. Some of these characteristics are goals which I aspire to, and some are qualities I already possess. Like the butterfly, I came from a lowly state. I, too, was a worm. Still am, some days. But I was created with a beautiful future in store. I was born to fly. Thus begins my journey towards liberation.

My spirituality is the one and only aspect of my life in which I do truly feel liberated. I have freedom through Christ Jesus, and His gift of Love through His death on the cross. This gift I humbly accept, knowing I do not deserve it. Knowing I can never repay it. But knowing I was born to live free because of Him.

My goal in life is to give love. I want so badly to share God's love and peace with people. I have been called to do it. So if you were to ask me what is the meaning of life, I would have to tell you it is LOVE. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself. If I genuinely live those priniciples, everything else falls into place. And even through times of extreme adversity, I have focus and a deep peace. I really want that for everyone.

I have to admit, I really don't feel like I am free from the cacoon most days. I have so much room yet to grow. Sometimes I still find myself feeling defeated, and wallow in self-pity and regret. But God is teaching me through enlightenment about painful experiences and un-wise choices in my past, and through His continual grace and mercy and the gift of His Holy Spirit, that He is not finished with me. He never gives up on me, no matter how long the growing process seems to take with me. I can be sooo thick. I can be sooo self-centered. I can be such a dirt crawler some days. But for some strange reason, He thinks I am worth his love and patience. He feels the same way about you! Isn't it amazing to have just one person who believes in you so very much?! It is so inspiring. It makes me want to be alive. It makes me want to learn. It makes me actually thankful for the hard times, as they always seem to bring about such positive growth, in the long run. God says ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose. Well, I know I love Him. And I know I am called (we all are) to serve Him.... therefore, every crappy thing I go through; all the pain and heartache and rebellion and anguish - all these things turn into something beautiful in the end.

All the things that have hurt me in my past - the things that happened, which God had no part of; ALL those things have turned into something positive. It is amazing. Every time, without fail. Ask me, and I will give you examples of this kind of miracle in my personal life. Jesus is in the miracle business, and He performs them every day. All we have to do is look around with eyes open, and we will see them. I have lived them. To choose to see the positive beyond the pain is a miracle in and of itself. I am here to tell you that joy is a choice. Peace is a choice. Freedom is a choice. I choose to learn from the trials, and let the lesson help others too. Adversity can make us bitter, or better. It is our choice.

And I choose to be a butterfly.