Thursday, February 23, 2017

Love called you away....

It was Love that brought you to us,
All too soon Love called you away.
We will waste no time with "Why?"
There's nothing left here but Faith.

How can we whisper goodbye,
When we never even got to see your face?
How we wish we could have held you tight!
Now you're cradled; warm in Mercy's embrace.

You're an Angel with soft, brand new wings.
You are Home, where pain cannot touch.
We want you to know, precious little one,
We love you. We love you very much.

Holy Father, kiss our baby for us.
Let him know just how treasured he is.
On a day not too far we'll sing to him in our arms.
Endless thanks, God, for our cherished gift.

Monica Wagner • 2/27/17

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Clumsy Heart Thoughts

There aren't words,
There are no smells or tastes,
or anything tangible
To relay my clumsy heart thoughts.
All I can do is worry and cry and pray,
And wait, wait, wait,
For a distinctly dissimilar day.
I must state what is obvious
Only to myself...
I am truly, greatly grateful
For my precious blessings.
But, this aching affliction
Makes my smile look
Upside down.
How can I not note
The concern in their eyes,
As they lie and say everything is fine?
No, it's not.
It is not.
And my heart thoughts race,
And stumbling, run away with me,
Before finally fading to numb,
Leaving me behind
Gasping for breath
In a deep pool of tears.
What do I do now?
The question is moot.
I know I need to "do"
Just be.
I will stifle my cries.
I will squeeze shut my eyes.
I will be still.
I will hope.
I WILL hope.
I'll be still and I'll hope,
For what else is there to live for?

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Morning Prayer

Lord, you know my heart.  You know my past, present and future.  You know best, and I trust You.  Help me to only follow your way and truth as I navigate through this day.  Grant me a spirit of love... grace... help me to reflect You in all I do and say.  When fears arise,  I will claim your comfort and peace.  When negative thoughts arise, I will claim your joy.  When hardships arise, I will claim Your victory.   For my husband and children, I ask Your protection and favor.  Grant our family Your wisdom.  Your will be done in our lives, not our own.  Please, show us your will in every situation we encounter, big and small, and grant us the wisdom and strength to follow.  Through valleys and on top of mountains, God, I declare Your ways are higher and greater, and I will follow You.  Thy will be done, only.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

"What If Each Kiss?"

What if each kiss were more than a momentary,
Blissful break from being too far away,
But rather, each kiss continued for multiple hours of
Perfect normalcy; and the brief pause from kissing
Lasted only long enough for Lover’s to miss each other
Before resuming the basic, compulsory act of
Breathing in each other’s air,
Body to body, heart to heart and lip to lip?
That is how it feels to me each and every time
You look into my eyes, or smile, or breathe,
Or simply exist… or kiss me.  This how it feels:
Your kisses are like air when I am suffocating,
Salve when it burns, and an unquenchable flame
In a dark world, filling me with hope and warmth and life.
It is not a question.  It is my heart pondering merely
The delightful necessity of your sweet kiss.

                             ~for my FiancĂ©~


Thursday, November 12, 2015

"All the Colors of Happiness"

Finally, a poem!  So inspired right now.  Life is very, VERY good.   <3

All the Colors of Happiness

MG ~ 11/12/15



Once in an infrequent while,

An exceptional rainbow catches your eye,

And rips your heart and head out of

The fog of the mundane.

And you find yourself in awe;

Captivated completely.

Its brightness and beauty

Are so much more vivid

Than any you’ve ever seen before.

In this moment of epiphany,

The storm is forgotten.

Every dark cloud.

Every raindrop.

And all you are left with is a feeling of hope,

The promise of peace,

And a heart full to overflowing

With the all the colors of happiness.


Friday, August 21, 2015

The In Between

I am in one of life's "in between" periods.  You know, those stages in life where you've experienced a complete change... maybe a move, employment, relationship, major life event... some sort of shake up in your life as you knew it.  And now you're stumped with what to do or even how to BE in the in between.  It's a tough place, for most.  And I'm right there with you.

I know what is behind me.  I know what I'm wanting and striving for ahead of me, but right now, in this very moment, I'm a little disoriented.  What I mean by that is we always know what we want and need (most of us), and I think all of us know where we have been.  But knowing the NOW... that's where it gets challenging.  Are we in regret mode?  Learning mode?  Are we happy here?  Are we growing, or just existing, waiting for life to lead us to the next path?

Epiphany:  The "in between" period is an excellent time to reevaluate.  Reassess.  Tweak things a bit.  Change what doesn't work, thoughtfully, and plan out a new coarse.  If it feels empty in this stage, it's because you aren't using it wisely.

I plan to use this time as a gift... a place where I chart out a plan of healing and growth.  A time to forgive myself.  Love myself.  Richly grow.  And then, tackle my future with a more healthy love than I'd have had if I hadn't acknowledged that the in between period is actually such a positive.

If you're in the in between place, too, take heart.  You aren't alone.  The future has great big things for us.

That's all.  For now.  Embrace right where you are.  Every single moment is a chance for progress.

Monday, June 02, 2014

The Perfect Hike

I went on "The Perfect Hike" today.  Truthfully, there has never been a hike that I have gone on when I didn't think that, but this particular hike was the perfectest.  There was danger, beauty, severe weather, some good journaling, an awesome 2-way conversation with God (that doesn't always happen! ...usually, it's just me talking at Him) and the perfect sandwich.

As I was driving up the mountain to reach the trail head to a section of the Pacific Crest Trail that I was going to hike along, I passed a logging truck with a flat bed trailer loaded up with logs on a narrow, winding road.  I had to pull off into the ditch in order to give it room to pass me, and even then it was a pretty tight squeeze.  After I passed it and drove farther, I noticed that the road grew more narrow and the drop-off much more steep.  There were some pretty tight turns, and much of the road was unpaved and it did not have any guard railing.  I realized that if I had left my house a little bit sooner than I did, I might have been in an accident or driven off of the side of the mountain.  There is just no way that logging truck and my car could have fit at some points on that road.  Crazy!  I am soooo glad I was not able to find the other hiking shoe, causing me to be delayed by about a half hour while I looked through every closet and under every bed, ultimately settling on wearing a pair of tennies instead.  If I hadn't been delayed by the missing shoe.... who knows.... I cannot even envision what the outcome could have been, as I am a tad squeamish of heights, and that little, winding, dirt, mountain road with it's steep drop-off was a tummy turner.

Once I got up to the trail head, Rain (dog) and I took off on our trek.  The weather was gorgeous.  Clear and sunny and slightly breezy.  Surprisingly, there were no other hikers on the trail all the way in to the lake.  After 2.6 miles of hiking, I reached the lake.  This is the third or fourth time I have hiked in to this lake, but it was more beautiful than ever today.  I only spotted one other small group of hikers down around the lakes edge, once we arrived.  I sure do enjoy my solitude sometimes, so it was nice that it wasn't heavily loaded with tourists.  I found a nice place to sit and wade my feet.  I was pretty much starving at that point, so I unpacked my pack and pulled out some dog food for Rain, and then for me, the best tuna and diced pickle on whole wheat sandwich I have ever eaten in my life.  It was so extra delicious because of how hungry I was.  Food consumed after exercise always tastes the best.  Yum.

I played fetch with Rain and watched her swim for a while.  Wrote some in my journal.  Had some amazing prayer time.  Took a bunch of pictures.  Felt the sun on my shoulders and the breeze through my hair.  I felt, also, Rain nudging me with a stick she had found because she wanted to play fetch some more, and doesn't know what, "Mommy time.  Go play", means.  She also doesn't know that I don't enjoy her shake showers each and every time she exits the lake.  I could be 30 feet away from the water, and she would literally wait the whole walk over to me before she would shake the water out of her fur.  It's like she purposefully sought me out over and over to torment me with her cold, muddiness.  LOL.... But that's ok.  She was wearing doggy smiles and I was too peaceful to be too annoyed.  :-)

As I was looking around at all the beauty in nature, I kept gravitating to the old, dead trees and tree roots... They have always been just so wonderful to me.  Something about them draws me to them.  Odd, I know, but I had a lot of time to think on my hike alone today, and I think I may have figured out why.  It might be because of what they represent to me.  They were once alive and vibrant, strong and full of life.  Then some unknown force came along and poisoned, cut down or killed them.  Now, they are only a remnant of what they once were, however... every once in a while, someone comes along who will stop and take the time to really see them, not for what they are not, nor for who they once were, but for who they are in this very moment... and they are fully and genuinely appreciated.  To that person, they are more beautiful than ever, just the way they are.

As I was taking pics, I noticed the clouds rolling in.  They seemed a little dark on the bottom, so I decided it was time to hike the 2.6 miles back to the car.  Fearless Rain led the way, with me following, attached to the other end of the leash.  She does not have a slow speed.  We were almost jogging the whole way back.  And we were full-on sprinting during the points along the trail where she spotted a squirrel.  About halfway back, it started to rain on us, lightly.  It was so wonderful!  The temperature of the air was still a bit warm, and the rain wasn't very cold.  I was in shorts and a tank top, but it felt great on my skin.  It started raining a little harder, but not too hard, and I couldn't help but smile.  God gave me the perfect weather hiking in and the perfect weather hiking out.  I had no jacket or sweater, but didn't need one.  The scents were what I loved the most about hiking in the rain.  All the smells of the forest came alive.  The smell of pine, wild flowers and raindrops... scensory overload was happening and it was awesome.  I wish I could have bottled it up and saved more for later.

We got back to the car and started driving back down the winding road.  Only a couple of minutes into our drive, the rain changed.  It started raining really, really hard.  THEN it started to hail.  Really hard.  Hail the size of marbles.  It was so loud coming down and pinging against my car that it scared Rain, and she looked at me with big, round eyes, then curled up in the smallest ball she could make and buried her head in the blanket in the passenger seat.  We had barely missed the big storm!  I couldn't believe we had just made it to the car literally only about 2 minutes before all that hit.  So.... just to refresh... IF I had left just a bit earlier in the day for my hike, I might have been run off of the mountainside by a logging truck OR been pelted by monster hail.  Kinda crazy timing, right?!

I had a very good day off.  I felt God's protection over me.  I felt His showers of blessing on me.  Life is good.  I am content.  And was or was that not "The Perfect Hike"?  Yeah, I thought so too.  :-)