Monday, October 25, 2010

My own, personal Revival

I went to church for the first time in months yesterday. I literally had to force myself to go, because the same thing that seems to happen every Sunday morning that I try to go happened... I get tired, or don't feel well, or see all the housework that needs to be done, or feel like relaxing, or get a phone call, or the kids won't cooperate (though they were out of town this weekend), or I can't find anything to wear.... Oh wait, now I'm gonna be late... I can't walk in late, they'll be no seats left available....

But yeah, thanks to God kickin me in the butt and getting me there, I actually made it. Boy, was I glad I did!!!! Went to Bethel. Late, of course, so I sat in the overflow room. I usually like in better in there anyway, as my chances of being accosted by a prophet, yelled at in tongues, or have hands laid on me by 16 charismatic strangers is much less. Anyway, I'm humbled and thankful for the experience, as something quite out of character for me happened.

One of the Pastors asked us all to lay hands on the person next to us if we feel they needed praying for healing and breakthrough in their life. I cringed for a moment, but was suddenly relieved that I was sitting at the end of a row, and no one was within a few seats of me. Whew! Can you tell that's a teensy bit out of my comfort zone? So, I then bow my head to pray, and I begin my prayer with, "I need you, God. Holy Spirit, come.". Suddenly, I feel hands touching me from somewhere behind me... One on my right shoulder/neck area and one on my left shoulder/arm. Something very unexpected happened... I began to shake a little, and then unexpectedly began to weep. I could hear people all around me praying for one another, mostly in tongues. But the prayers coming from behind me were different. I heard 2 mens voices. Theye were soft, gentle, concise. They were saying, "Father, heal her heart. Show her Your will for her life. Lead her to breakthrough. Grant her peace.". And then everything disappeared. I saw nothing, heard nothing, and felt no one touching me. It was quiet and light and warm in God's presence, and I felt Him hugging my soul........

I stayed in that place for what was probably a few minutes, but felt like longer. When I came back, I was still in the overflow room, standing with my head bowed and eyes closed; tears streaming. Prayer time ended. A sweet, lovely, young girl came up to me, gave me a hug & offered me a tissue. I turned around slightly to see who was behind me, but saw no one. I guess the praying men had left. I felt such an amazing sense of.... Just calm. Serene. Peace. Loved.

Thanks, God, for ripping me out of my comfort zone! Wow... And thanks to the two praying men.... Thanks so much.

Then Pastor Bill Johnson began to speak. The message was powerful and meaty. I've never heard that man preach a single sermon that left me unchanged. He's got God's power in His ability to communicate, let me tell you! One thing he said today hit home really hard. I mean, like, upside the head with a baseball bat kinda hard. It was this:

Revival comes when there is a sacrifice which has been laid upon an alter, and God sends His fire down from Heaven. Revival will not stop until that sacrifice has been removed. God never stops a revival, man does. Who removes the sacrifice? What IS the sacrifice??? is you. It is me. Are we not to be a "living sacrifice"? Or was that not what you signed up for?"


I feel humbled, blessed, happy and whole. My life is not my own. It's His. Time to become a living sacrifice before God, so He can truly begin to work in me and through me. I know once I'm there, truly there, my life won't always feel like it's missing something.

These thoughts woke me up an hour ago, so I felt I needed to share.


Saturday, October 23, 2010

"It's Okay To Let Go"

...First song I've written in almost a year! Feels so good to be able to write again. It's a simple tune, written in the key of F, and given to me by the Great Healer.


Letting go may not be easy.
It hurts to think that it's for good.
Choices to make... How things get hazy
When we don't make the ones we should.

But Love
Is here with you.
It was.
Always will be.

And God, He wants you to know
It's okay to let go.

Earnest prayers, they surround you.
Rest assured you're not alone.
There is One who heals forsaken hearts.
His Love can make the broken, whole.

And Love
Is here with you.
It was.
Always will be.

Though time may not heal all wounds,
Your Father God will carry you.
Give HIM your heart.
He'll make it new.


The sky is shedding therapy.
God knew.
He has spread wide the floodgates of the heavens.
He has demolished a dam in my soul.
Painful, awakening, cleansing, blissful
Fall and fall and fall on me
Until these feelings
Wash away,
And I am clean and free again,
To live with passion,
To love with wisdom;
And grow like a brand new, brightly colored tulip,
Eager to experience warmth and light.
I must greet this storm with openness.
Soon I will be new. Beautiful. Strong.
The sun will shine again.
But for today,
I will surrender to

Sunday, February 07, 2010


As always, God has amazed me with His provision. I lost my job a few weeks ago, happened upon a job posting for a better one online, went through a 3 week long application process, and was made a wonderful job offer a few days ago. I start work tomorrow! I can't say that I'm completely shocked, as God perpetually showers my life with favor. Though I'm not surprised, I am definitely filled with gratitude and thanks to a God who knew my needs, and opened even better doors than ones which were closed to me. With the economy like it is and countless people out of work and struggling to find jobs, this blessing is not taken for granted even a little by me. So I wrote a song about it.

I wanted to share it as a public sign of gratitude to God for His provision, but also, and more deeply, because I know there are many of you who are feeling the negative affects of our economic state and high unemployment rate. I just want to encourage you to pray for a good job, or whatever it may be you are in specific need of, take whatever action is necessary on your part (exercising as much faith and patience as possible), and BELIEVE IN MIRACLES. Then, just sit back and watch as they unfold. And they will.

The song is unfinished, but here's what I've got so far this evening. Nate (my youngest son) was listening to me practice it, and fell asleep on the floor by my Korg keyboard. It seems he's feeling peaceful too.



Flowers in the field,
Birds in the air,
Unto the least of these
You offer constant care.

Who am I to question all that You provide?
Who am I to doubt?

Frustrated and afraid,
I find myself.
I'm so faithless some days,
Though I know well

Who You are: a God who's never let me down.
Who am I to doubt?

You say, "Hush now. Just be still."
You say, "Trust now and I will
Show you Love. Just wait. You will see!"
So I'll hush now and be still,
And I'll trust now and I will
Let You love me. You'll always love me.

Flowers in the field,
Birds in the air,
Unto the least of these
You offer constant care.

Who am I to question all that You provide?
Who am I to doubt...
Your provision.


Blessings and Love,

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Curve Balls

Life has thrown me a few curve balls again, as of late. Par for Monica's course it seems, and yet I KNOW God will take care of everything, just as He always does. Doesn't mean I don't struggle with fear and doubt sometimes, in the midst of the unknown, but ultimately, my faith brings me back to the knowledge and owning that God WILL NOT forsake me.

I have lots to say, so I'm going to have to summarize here, or this blog would be far too long and venty (if that's not a word, it should be).

As you all know, I received primary custody of Breauna and Caleb last September, unexpectedly. It's been a year of adjustments, but it's been a blessing. They visit their dad every other weekend now, and things seemed to have calmed down there a whole lot, which is an answer to many prayers. It has honestly been a challenge to take care of a family of 4 all on my own. Now suddenly, my job is not going so well (for reasons no one can do anything about), and as of this Friday, I will be jobless. I've been praying hard, and job-hunting, and have interviewed with a few places. I have a few more to go, though in this economy, no one seems to want to pay me what I know I'm worth, and what I am accustomed to making. But that's alright. We can definitely tighten the belt a bit. I just want to make sure my kids are well taken care of. Pray for me this week, if you think of it. I really need to find a stable position of employment, and soon, as I don't believe in living off of "the system". I want to work to support my children, just as I've always done.

Now, in addition to the financial stress, I've recently found out my ex-husband has without any warning quit his job with the Sheriff's Department, and accepted a position overseas... as in, OUT OF THE COUNTRY. Ugh!!!! This presents a whole new gamut of stresses, believe me! One of which is the fact that my kids will see their dad next to never. They've already gone through the feeling of being without a father (back when we were going through the CPS trial, and then again for a few months this past summer when he was just "too busy"), and it broke my heart. Now they will have to go through all that hurt again, and for an indefinite period of time. He hasn't even told them yet, though he's supposed to be leaving the country very soon. My heart breaks for them. I wish life was easier. I wish Bre and Caleb's father made wiser choices. I wish Nate's father made wiser choices. But I can't do anything about them. I somehow just have to be enough. It's very overwhelming, and scary at times, but I know by the grace of God, I CAN raise emotionally healthy children.

I am worried and stressed and tired and unsure of the future. But I am soooo thankful for a supportive family and loving boyfriend, without whom I fear I'd lose my marbles. I am also incredibly thankful for a God was has ALWAYS provided and taken care of us, and who has never once let me down. I know for a fact that things will be okay, no matter how bleak they may seem at the moment. He's promised me this. And I am choosing faith over fear in these chaotic times.

I sat down to pray this morning, and suddenly had to run to the keyboard. Yep, you guessed it... a song was on my heart, and it was about to boil over. I wrote the lyrics and music in probably 3 minutes, and then felt oh so much better. It's just a simple prayer from the heart, in the key of 'G'. I feel peace and hope, and I just wanted to share. I wish I could play and sing it for ya, but since I can't, here are the lyrics, at least.


"Follow You"
MG ~ 01/13/10

Right now things are hazy.
Sometimes I get weak.
The future is uncertain,
But I feel Your hand on me.

Ever Faithful.
Ever True.
I'll forever
Follow You.

Only You know the answers.
I know You have a plan.
Unknown things make me crazy,
So I will place this in Your hands.

Ever Faithful.
Ever True.
I'll Forever
Follow You.


I'm heading to a job interview now (2nd of the day). God bless all of you, and may we always recognize His hand at work in our lives, even when can't see it in the moment.