We as women are funny, funny creatures. We strive for independence and thrive on being individuals. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, almost all of us almost always sacrifice every bit of that, or at least most of that, for the man we love. This may seem like a good thing to do, and it certainly comes naturally and usually completely inadvertently for us, however, it’s actually one of our weaknesses. When we sacrifice our individual interests and desires simply because they differ from the man’s whom we have chosen to completely wrap ourselves around, it eventually breeds resentment within us, and in the long run, can often become the very cause of the “breakup”.
As an example, I have a friend who’s musical taste changes based upon the musical genre preferences of the man she happens to be dating at that time. I have another friend who absolutely loves chic flicks, but never watches them because she knows her man doesn’t like them, so they only watch what he wants to watch. Some women love to exercise, but wind up with guys who prefer to play video games all day, so they give up that interest in order to be near to and spend more time with their man. In my past, I’ve found myself not going to church, which is something I really want to do for me and my children, because the man I am dating at the time does not like going. I've also known women who were single moms, and started dating a man who was not fond of children, consequently, neglecting the kids for their man. Not good! Just a few examples, but there are many, many more that come to mind.
I know the guys we love appreciate the fact that we want to do what they want to do and take an interest in their interests, but I don’t think that they really desire us to give up every single thing we love, just because it does not fit their lifestyle, or past experience. If they do, then hello red flag! Run, he’s a control-freak. No, the guys worth keeping, I believe, want us to have our own individuality and even respect us for it. Just as we respect them for theirs. A girl worth keeping is not a passive pushover with no opinions. A girl worth keeping is not a doormat. Same goes for the guys worth keeping. Both sexes should mutually respect the other, and not try to control the other. Both sexes should encourage each other in their separate hobbies and likes.
I do feel it is extremely important to have at least some, even if only just a few, mutual interests and activities. This builds the bond between you both, and creates opportunities to spend time together. If there is not one single thing in common, then that is also problem. If you find yourself in a relationship in which you feel you have no compatibility, before giving up, try to create compatibility by creating common interests. Come up with ideas that you both enjoy, whether it be playing pool, gardening, hiking, traveling, cooking, playing musical instruments, etc, etc, etc. There are so many things you can do, even new things you have not previously tried apart from each other, that just might bring you closer together.
Ladies, please don’t hear me wrong. I’m not saying it’s bad for us to adopt new interests, based on our partners. That’s one of the ways we show them we love them. And you never know, the new interest he has introduced you to can sometimes become one your favorite things as well. When we take an interest in the things they enjoy, it shows them we genuinely care about them. Please don't be confused... what I’m saying is, you CAN go too far with that. Find the happy medium between doing the things HE loves, and doing the things YOU love. Don’t ever sacrifice 100% of your desires, passions and dreams for a man , or mark my words, you will wind up blaming him for it. If you don’t consciously NOT do that, you will lose both yourself AND your man.
So, I guess I’m saying (in all my wisdom about relationships... HA!), Girls: it’s ultra important to maintain your sense of self, who you are, and what you love. Yes, love your man and do things he loves with him, but don’t sacrifice every thing that you love. It neither has to be all his way, nor all yours. I can be a pleasant mixture of both. Happy medium. This will help build a healthy respect, a balanced relationship, and well-rounded conversation. Guys: Be aware when your girl seems to only want to do the stuff you’ve made it very clear that you want to do. She just may be subconsciously losing herself, and in time, it could be detrimental to your relationship. Encourage her to express her feelings about her separate interests (actively seeking to learn about what she loves is a huge way to make her feel loved), and then don’t complain when she wants to do those things sometimes. Again, happy medium. Encourage each other to be individuals... this will cause you to be stronger as a couple. These things are not the key to a healthy relationship, but they will definitely help to promote one. Commitment, strong communication, mutual respect, affection, truly listening, kindness, generosity, recognizing when to compromise, refraining from insulting, looking for opportunities to love and spoil each other, etc. are also a few of the imperative things in creating an atmosphere of love.
Just a few of my thoughts on relationships. Lord knows I’m quite the expert. ...learning the hard way is still learning! ;-)
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