I was talking to my Mom a few days ago about all the emotional healing I have done over the past 11 months. I was attempting to explain to her how odd it is for me to at last feel such a deep peace and sense of knowing that God is at work in my life, even when I may not actually see His active hand in the now. It's perplexing to me that I can feel such a welling of hope about the future, and yet have so many adversities in my immediate path. One of these adversities has been not having employment for a few months now. I presently have no income - embarassing to admit, after all those years of being a "productive member of society"... God must have known I needed the humbling - and I haven't received any child support in a very long time. It has been quite stressful for me in the past, but for some reason, I'm not as stressed out anymore, even though my circumstances have not changed. I was telling her that God knows I need a job in order to support my children and provide a good life for them (although my hearts desire is to be a stay-at-home mom/writer), but that for some reason, the doors just haven't been opening for the past 5 months that I have been out. Nonetheless, I still feel such an unexpected positivity, in the midst of my dwindling bank account. She asked me if I had read my devotional that morning, from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I told her I hadn't. She said the devotional was about thanking God in the midst of adversity. Not just trusting Him for what is to come, but actually THANKING Him for what I do not yet have. I loved that, so I've been trying to remember to do that the past 2 days.
Yesterday morning, I woke up very motivated to become once again gainfully employed. I applied for every job I could find online, but was discouraged to discover that pretty much the only job openings out there in my area are ones that would pay no where near what I need to support a family of four on my own. But I applied anyway. Didn't hear back from any of them. I've been to a few interviews in the past few months, and they all either have crappy hours or crappy pay or tell me I am over-qualified. It's been disheartening. I felt a bit defeated, so I contemplated taking a nap, but poured myself a cup of coffee instead and went and sat in my backyard, just trying to soak up the sunshine and refocus my thoughts and perspective. I felt sorry for myself for only a moment, when I realized, **Monica! Look around you at the beautiful world you live in. The sun. The trees. The breeze. The singing birds. The fact that you've had the opportunity, finally, to be able to be a Mom with all the time in the world to spend with your amazing kids for the past 5 months. You need to be thanking God for the answers you don't have right now. Because you KNOW that He has never let you down. And He never will. His timing is perfect.** So I began to pray, and thank God for the answers I do not have. I thanked Him for all the blessings I do have. I told Him that my faith would not waiver, even though I don't have clear direction or lighted paths right now. I felt chills, and peace and hope wash over me so much, and I was instantly inspired to write a song. Haven't written one for a few months, so I was excited.
I ran inside to go sit down at my keyboard and see what melody came to me. I knew the theme of the song would be "thanking God for the answers I don't have", but that was as far as I got with it, because as I was heading down my hall to my room to begin playing, my phone rang from the living room. I almost let it go to voice mail, but decided I should check it, in case it was a job application response. ...It was a friend of mine, who I used to work with. She was calling to tell me about a job opening with her company, that is right up my field of expertise. She said she had already spoken to management about me in depth, explaining to them my strong work ethic, self-motivated personality, drive to succeed and past work achievements. She said she was told to tell me to apply right away. She said she felt like God was telling her to go to bat for me, and that she would do everything she could to try and help me get that job. So, considering the timing of that phone call, I decided there was no way that God's hand could not be in this. I applied for the job, and heard from the Manager (who was a former business acquaintence of mine when I was an Escrow Officer) a few hours later. He said he knew I was highly capable, because he remembered my work. He said he was giving the green light, and that I should be receiving a call to schedule an interview in the next few days. Yay!
So, I just now got off the phone with one of the managers, who scheduled a job interview with me. If it goes well, my financial worries will ease up quite a bit. I'm excited! The only down-side will be the hours. I will lose out on some very valuable time with my children. This has been something I have been struggling to avoid, because I know how important it is for kids to have a mom who is present as much as possible. But I also know I need to provide for them, and keep a warm roof over their heads. And beggars cannot be choosers. I am praying that if this job opportunity is truly from God, that He will allow me to get the position. I'm actually looking forward to it. Is it my ultimate dream job? No. If I had my way, I'd be a professional songwriter, poet and author. But life does not always end up quite the way we dreamed it would. The important thing is to recognize God's hand at work in our lives, thanking Him every step of the way... even if it is for answers we do not yet have. And even when it is for the life that was not our original desire, but is Plan B or C. Because God can make plan B or C a very blessed and beautiful life. The future is filled with hope and promise, I just know it.
If you think of it, would you say a prayer for me regarding the job interview and this potential new endeavor? I would greatly appreciate it! Love to all. ~m~
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