Dear
Person-who-is-struggling-with-negative-thoughts-or-a-complaining-spirit,
As I was lying on my couch trying to
squeeze in a nap before working on some new songs for Worship practice, I could
hear loud footsteps coming from the roof. No, Santa had not come to
town. It was my parents, who live right above me. I tried to ignore
them because my eyes felt so heavy and I just wanted a little bit of sleep
before diving into work. But the noises would not go away. I put a
pillow over my head, trying to drown out the noise and thought, “Man, I wish I
had my own house and didn’t have to live in the basement apartment below my
parents!” Immediately, in my half asleep state, I rebuked myself and this
negative thought, and thought instead, “No! I am thankful for having a
roof over my head, and parents who live above that roof who love me enough to
help me out during a rough patch in my life!”
Immediately and instantaneously, my
head felt lighter and my outlook was brighter. It was as if a light
switch had been turned on, mentally. My thoughts jumped from negative
“whys” to positive “thank yous” and my spirit felt worlds lighter. It was
kind of shocking to me just how quickly my feelings and mood had changed just
by experiencing a little genuine gratitude. I could feel the crease
between my eyes relax (the one which always forms when I am grumpy). I
took a deep breath and sat up. In my quiet, dark little living room, I
found myself no longer wanting to nap, but instead wanting to praise God for
the many blessings I take for granted.
I was suddenly full of energy,
consciously finding more and different reasons to be grateful. Before I
knew it, my cup was overflowing, and I was on the verge of happy tears. I
knew I needed to sit down and write this all out, because there was so much
brimming within my heart. I wanted to put to pen this pleasant little
moment of epiphany and this desire to perpetuate the joyful lightness of spirit
that came along with it.
If gratitude can transform me this
quickly, it is quite a powerful tool! In that moment, I realized I have
been doing a lot of mental complaining about certain circumstances in my life
lately, and have found myself in a bit of a funk. The moment I reached
out and seized gratitude, it was if I had taken up a big shield or even a
weapon. The darkness vanished and was replaced by good feelings.
Gratitude is an underutilized spiritual resource that God has given us.
Gratitude is not the act of merely saying “thank you” for the things we know we
should be thankful for, it is a way of life… a mind-set… a genuine
acknowledgement of blessing… a completely authentic feeling of thankfulness… a
humble and happy acceptance of a gift meant just for me …and you.
Gratitude can banish the darkness of self-pity with one split-second
thought. Gratitude can obliterate the threatening despair of what-ifs and
whys faster than you can get the words out: “Thank you!” Gratitude is
powerful indeed.
The dictionary defines gratitude as
the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful. In psychology, gratitude is defined as an emotion expressing appreciation for what one has as
opposed to a consumer-oriented emphasis on what one wants or needs. The
Bible contains many verses which deal with the topic of gratitude. Very
plain and straight to the point of it all is 1 Thessalonians chapter 5 verse 18
where it states, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s
will for you in Christ Jesus.” ……ALL circumstances.
The sub-conscious tapes playing in my
mind lately have not been good. I have been learning over the past few
years to become aware of my self-talk and control my thinking, but I will admit
that over the past week or so, I have let my negative self-talk speak louder
than I wish I had. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I have a feeling I am
not alone in this. I think many of us struggle with negativity, poor
self-talk and bringing our thoughts into captivity. Everyone’s struggle
is a little different, but just so you know how not alone you are, here are a few
of the tapes that I was mindlessly allowing to play in my head:
“Gosh, it’s sure hard to be where I
am right now. I cannot believe I am almost 40 years old and am finding
myself a single parent, unemployed and living in a basement apartment underneath
my parent’s house! None of this was in my plans! I wish I had
my own house and a great career with good pay. I was supposed to
have been happily married and stable at this point in my life! I wish
that I would stop being rejected for job applications I know I am
over-qualified for. I also wish I weighed less and had fewer
wrinkles. I wish I had made wiser choices and was less self-sabotaging in
my past. Maybe all of this is my karma. Maybe I deserve to be alone
in this valley. Poor me.” Do you see how slippery of a slope it is
to allow those negative tapes to play? Before you know it you are
drowning in the problem and don’t have the energy to see a solution. And
that is just where the enemy wants us.
Instead of listening to those
repetitive, “whoa is me” tapes, I am pressing stop. I am ejecting them,
consciously, and I am replacing them with Gratitude. I am turning the
negative thoughts into motivation. Anytime they pop up, I will use them
as a reminder, or an alarm clock of sorts. I will then take a few moments
to speak the opposite to myself... to shut out the negative and to speak
the positive… to pray thankful prayers to God. Prayers like:
“Thank you, God, for giving me
a blank canvas in my life right now! This gives you room to paint the
picture You would have for me, even if it is not the one I had originally
planned. I know my life not exactly what I had expected, but I trust You
when You say You will work ALL things for my good. I am asking you to
take my life, my whole life, my past as well as my current situation and use it
all for good. Please use both the areas of strength as well as every last
piece in my life to form a harmonious mosaic that brings You glory. And
help me, Father, not to impatiently try to place all of the pieces myself or to
push to understand everything too fast, but to trust Your hand as You
skillfully create art out of my brokenness. Please transform all sadness
and doubt into peace and joy, Lord Jesus. Every last corner of my heart
is yours. I am holding nothing back from you. Thank you so much for
giving me so many blessings! …My 3 beautiful, incredibly gifted and
special children… my wonderful, godly, loving parents… a car that runs… a roof
over my head… food on the table… the wisdom to make better, healthier choices
regarding how I live my life… the gift of music… the emotional outlet of
writing… the freedom from burdens and addictions that used to consume me… my
health… my freedom… my very life… how can I complain about anything when You have
blessed me with so much! I know that I am a beautiful creation in You,
and am willing to walk through whatever door You open for me, Lord Jesus.
Thank you for loving me so much that you never, ever gave up on me. You
always see beauty in me, even when I don’t. You have created me with a
purpose, Lord Jesus, and I want to walk in Your light all the days of my
life. Illuminate me and guide me, Father God. But most of all… just
thank You. ”
If you, fellow human who sometimes
struggles with negative thoughts or a complaining spirit, ever find yourself
feeling lost in thoughts of, “I wish I had…”, or “Why is this happening???”, or
“Life just sucks!!!”, please remember that you have a shield and a weapon at
your disposal. Gratitude. It can make darkness bright and heaviness
light. Use it. All it takes is a choice, a thought and a prayer.
Peace, blessings and love,
Monica
