Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A Story

She was in love with him with everything in her being, and could never imagine her life without him. For her, he was the one. He, on the other hand, didn’t know what he wanted. One day during one of their brief “in between” periods (they broke up a few times, but would get back together), he told her he had been thinking a lot lately about a girl he used to know in highschool, named Lisa…. A girl he had often wondered about. He mentioned that he wondered if maybe she was the one who got away. Of course this hurt for his “friend” to hear, but she blew it off as she did all of his previous mentions of and encounters with other women, thinking “if he and I are meant to be, someday he will wake up and realize it, and love me wholly and only”. Well it seemed that one day did come! Shortly thereafter, they got back together and she could not have been happier. He seemed happy too…. But always seemed to be holding something back. She never knew why, but decided to love him with all she had anyway, hoping that one day she could love the love right out of him, and it would be beautiful. She tried everything she could think of to make him feel happy and loved…. Cooked for him, cleaned his house, bought little gifts, loved and cared for his children, gave him lots of affection, left love notes around his house, brought coffee and food to him regularly when he was at work, made love to him any time she could and put her all into giving him pleasure and making him feel loved. One day while she was cleaning his house, she found a piece of paper lying on the floor. It had a name written on it…. Lisa…. And an address. To her horror, she realized this paper was in a spot she had cleaned recently before, so she knew it was new…. And it was HER…. The one he had mentioned from highschool. She was in shock….. how could he be thinking about another woman, when he has everything he could ask for in right in front of him??? This made her feel like she was not good enough somehow, so all she could think of to do was try harder…. Love him more, if that were even possible…. Make him see that he did not ever need to seek out another, that his dreams had already come true. She picked up the paper and set it upside down on his dresser, and did not mention to him that it had been found. The paper stayed in that spot for quite sometime, and as time went by, everything seemed to be fine, so she decided to put the incident behind her. Then one day, he slipped in casual conversation, and when she questioned him about what he meant, he admitted he had been emailing his long lost “friend”, but that it meant nothing. He was just thankful for the rekindled friendship. This confused her, as the only man she had any desire to spend her time with was him. But again, she pushed it aside, thinking it meant nothing. Soon, she stopped getting any emails at all from her boyfriend, with the exception of the infrequent forwarded email of a joke, in which she saw he had also forwarded the same email to many others…. One of which was “Lisa”. Their relationship began to deteriorate shortly thereafter, and it was clear he was not in love anymore. He actually even admitted at one point to never having been in love with her at all, but that he did love her in a way…. He had just always hoped it would grow. All of this took toll on her heart, and her self confidence began to wane. After what had begun to become a frequent routine of arguing and fighting (same old story every time…. She wanted him to be in love with her, and he wanted her to simply accept the fact that he was not), one night she had had enough. She asked him to make a commitment to loving her and giving this relationship his best shot. He told her he did not have that in him, so she would just have to deal with the relationship it was. She said she needed more from a relationship, or it would have to end. He chose for it to end, much to her shock and dismay. She was brokenhearted, beyond words. She could not eat or sleep, and missed him so badly. He told her he wanted to remain her friend, but that he just did not feel that way for her any more. She continued to lose weight and suffer sickness and sleeplessness, but she decided to move ahead with her life, for that was all she could do. Then one day only a few short weeks after the breakup, she fell apart and realized she could not love anyone again, if it were not him. She wanted him, missed him, needed him. She called him….. but found that he was on his way to visit “Lisa”. He stayed with Lisa for 4 days, without calling…. Without answering his phone during the night…. It killed her heart, and she felt as if she would die. One day on the 3rd day of his stay with Lisa, she begged him to come home and work things out. He said no. He would not budge. His decision was to stay as long as possible at Lisa’s, so he stayed until the day he had to come home to pick up his kids, calling in sick to work every day he was there (which he had never done for her when they were together…. Not for the year she had known him). It finally hit her… she would never be his priority. So she let go…. Sick, sad and heartbroken, but determined to pick up the pieces and move on, hoping that one day she would love again… to the degree that she loved him.

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