Predestined Pavement

Traveling down different roads.

Where they’ll end, we do not know.

Travelers veer from the coarse,

Getting lost, reel from remorse.

Passers by don’t understand.

Even I can’t see His hand.

Forging on, driven by time,

Feigning strong, wish to rewind.

Faith, it grows, I’ve nothing else.

These dark paths, I know them well.

In the end, day always dawns.

Only then, I’ll find my way home.

Destiny, it must be a myth.

Vivid dreams did not end like this.

But lingering to what’s behind

Hinders from what I might find.

Push ahead out on your own.

Don’t look back, don’t stop, just go.

If these roads mean to unite,

No need to know. No need to fight.

Paved long before journeys begun;

Don't look ahead. Keep moving on.

"No Climbing This"

Okay, I’ll say it…

I have nothing to lose.

I’ll finally face it…

I’m still in love with you.

Today the sky was

Very far from blue,

But all the rain does not

Wash my heart of you.

I remember

Sunny, summer days.

I gazed upon you,

And watched you look away.

I never listened

To what you had to say.

I only hear what

I want to anyway.

You were more than

Anything I’d dreamed.

With all your walls you

Still broke right into me.

And I can’t face the

Fact that there’s no hope.

I think I’d climb up,

If you’d just throw a rope.

Now day is dawning,

And I can see your face.

You lack desire;

It left without a trace.

And so, from down here,

I look up at your cliffs,

And realize that

There is no climbing this.

Don’t you worry…

You’ll never be alone.

And in my heart you

Will always have a home.

I hope that someday

You’ll wake up to a smile,

But just remember

I’ve loved you all the while.

It’s not deleted

Cuz’ I don’t feel it back.

I will not force it,

Nor make up for what you lack.

I’ll just remember

Everything I’ve learned.

You gave me so much,

But for much more I yearned.

Please remember me…

Do not take this as a plea…

When you find the time to feel…

Please just know my love was real.

"In God's Hands"

Time heals all wounds

Or so it's been told

It’s not been too long

Since our love grew cold

And I realized

That you could not give

And it dawned on me

That I want to live

And love without walls

So freely and true

In short, so must different

Than it was with you

All of my dreams

Will come true in time

While you are stuck in

Your lonely resign

You may go have fun

But it’s all empty

And all of the while

You’re stuck missing me

And you will deny

But deep down you know

That you’ll never find

A love that’s more whole

And so while I’m healing

And praying for yours,

I sadly know you are

Embracing your scars

And using excuses

To act like a fool

And run far away from

The life meant for you

I hate to be so harsh

And put it like this

But sadly I know that

This was not your wish

It’s just what your fear

Made you finally decide

And so while I’m healing

You’re aching inside.

I’m too tired of it all

To reflect or try,

And so I have let go.

In God’s hands you lie.

"Healing Hope"

Sometimes I think I’ll never learn

Makes me think I might enjoy the burn

This time I am trying to be real

Maybe this time I’ll finally heal

Dark eyes warm smile and frigid heart

Made me think that I just might impart

Some small piece of solace to your soul

Trying in my way to make us both whole

But mending you was not my call

The sweat and tears didn’t heal me at all

So giving in seemed the thing to do

It wasn’t that I gave up on you.

Codependent habits always drag me down

All the love I gave could not turn you around

Portraits of a girl I wanted desperately to be

Faded long before you left me.

Tonight I feel patience creeping in

Covering over all of my past sin

Making me feel as if the day will dawn

forging through darkness til I see the sun

Wonder where you are in this crazy world

Probably drowning sorrows with a girl

None of it matters because I am through

Searching for ways to get through to you.

Nights are the hardest time to be alone

Feeling a stranger in my own home

But I refuse to succumb to self-pity

And I am taking steps to alterate me.

I hope tonight wherever you are

You know peace is never very far

Reach up and know that if you’ll let go

Serenity will wash over you.

"Already Whole"

I can feel you reaching down

Into my tired state.

You see what’s in my darkened mind.

You see me test my fate.

You never do let go of me.

You never let me down.

And each time that I pull away,

And fall back to the ground,

You pull me back and pull me up,

Consistent and so strong.

You teach me that Your love won’t change.

It’s been there all along.

And nothing I can do can take

Your gift away from me.

You are so unconditional.

Your grace, it sets me free

From all my insecurities,

And all my pain and pride.

Dear God, You are enough for me.

I’m sorry that I hide.

Please take this heart and make it whole

And show me all I need

Is everything that I already

Have inside of me.

A Story

She was in love with him with everything in her being, and could never imagine her life without him. For her, he was the one. He, on the other hand, didn’t know what he wanted. One day during one of their brief “in between” periods (they broke up a few times, but would get back together), he told her he had been thinking a lot lately about a girl he used to know in highschool, named Lisa…. A girl he had often wondered about. He mentioned that he wondered if maybe she was the one who got away. Of course this hurt for his “friend” to hear, but she blew it off as she did all of his previous mentions of and encounters with other women, thinking “if he and I are meant to be, someday he will wake up and realize it, and love me wholly and only”. Well it seemed that one day did come! Shortly thereafter, they got back together and she could not have been happier. He seemed happy too…. But always seemed to be holding something back. She never knew why, but decided to love him with all she had anyway, hoping that one day she could love the love right out of him, and it would be beautiful. She tried everything she could think of to make him feel happy and loved…. Cooked for him, cleaned his house, bought little gifts, loved and cared for his children, gave him lots of affection, left love notes around his house, brought coffee and food to him regularly when he was at work, made love to him any time she could and put her all into giving him pleasure and making him feel loved. One day while she was cleaning his house, she found a piece of paper lying on the floor. It had a name written on it…. Lisa…. And an address. To her horror, she realized this paper was in a spot she had cleaned recently before, so she knew it was new…. And it was HER…. The one he had mentioned from highschool. She was in shock….. how could he be thinking about another woman, when he has everything he could ask for in right in front of him??? This made her feel like she was not good enough somehow, so all she could think of to do was try harder…. Love him more, if that were even possible…. Make him see that he did not ever need to seek out another, that his dreams had already come true. She picked up the paper and set it upside down on his dresser, and did not mention to him that it had been found. The paper stayed in that spot for quite sometime, and as time went by, everything seemed to be fine, so she decided to put the incident behind her. Then one day, he slipped in casual conversation, and when she questioned him about what he meant, he admitted he had been emailing his long lost “friend”, but that it meant nothing. He was just thankful for the rekindled friendship. This confused her, as the only man she had any desire to spend her time with was him. But again, she pushed it aside, thinking it meant nothing. Soon, she stopped getting any emails at all from her boyfriend, with the exception of the infrequent forwarded email of a joke, in which she saw he had also forwarded the same email to many others…. One of which was “Lisa”. Their relationship began to deteriorate shortly thereafter, and it was clear he was not in love anymore. He actually even admitted at one point to never having been in love with her at all, but that he did love her in a way…. He had just always hoped it would grow. All of this took toll on her heart, and her self confidence began to wane. After what had begun to become a frequent routine of arguing and fighting (same old story every time…. She wanted him to be in love with her, and he wanted her to simply accept the fact that he was not), one night she had had enough. She asked him to make a commitment to loving her and giving this relationship his best shot. He told her he did not have that in him, so she would just have to deal with the relationship it was. She said she needed more from a relationship, or it would have to end. He chose for it to end, much to her shock and dismay. She was brokenhearted, beyond words. She could not eat or sleep, and missed him so badly. He told her he wanted to remain her friend, but that he just did not feel that way for her any more. She continued to lose weight and suffer sickness and sleeplessness, but she decided to move ahead with her life, for that was all she could do. Then one day only a few short weeks after the breakup, she fell apart and realized she could not love anyone again, if it were not him. She wanted him, missed him, needed him. She called him….. but found that he was on his way to visit “Lisa”. He stayed with Lisa for 4 days, without calling…. Without answering his phone during the night…. It killed her heart, and she felt as if she would die. One day on the 3^rd day of his stay with Lisa, she begged him to come home and work things out. He said no. He would not budge. His decision was to stay as long as possible at Lisa’s, so he stayed until the day he had to come home to pick up his kids, calling in sick to work every day he was there (which he had never done for her when they were together…. Not for the year she had known him). It finally hit her… she would never be his priority. So she let go…. Sick, sad and heartbroken, but determined to pick up the pieces and move on, hoping that one day she would love again… to the degree that she loved him.

"True Love's Kiss"

When you needed me

I was always there.

When I needed you

You did not care

When I got real low

I was on my own

I hope you remember

The love that I’ve shown

The next time around

So you won’t do the same

And cause some poor heart

To love in vain

I pray that one day

You will open that heart

And drop all your walls

And come out of your dark

But until then, I will

Pray, cry and miss

And bid you farewell

With one last true love’s kiss.