"Unarmed" YouTube clip

It's only part of the song. Due to technical difficulties, the video cuts off midway through (technical difficulties being a 9 year old videographer... LOL), but here it is anyway.

God is good. He makes the wounded whole. ......Link to YouTube clip then lyrics below.

http://youtu.be/GJKhqvQDXk8

“Unarmed”

Just a moment more,
I haven’t had enough
Time to bask in it
And drink this sweet moment up.
I never knew
That real could feel this warm.
Nothing to run from
Or hide behind now. Unarmed.

You came and took
Away my need to be
Anything but
The treasure you made me to be.
Full of such purpose,
I cry for the times I got lost.
Resistance is worthless.
Your love will pursue at all cost.

And I feel whole, wounds and all.
I feel no alarm. Unarmed.

As humans, we’re funny.
Sometimes we fear the light.
And so we take cover.
When dawn starts to break, we fight.
I’m done with excuses.
Yesterday cannot hold me.
I’m resolute... ready,
Whatever tomorrow may bring.

You came to my darkness
Gave peace to my hopeless heart.
You hugged the hurt until
It was still.

I feel whole, wounds and all.
I feel no alarm. Unarmed.

Tears & Tenacity

I yearn for tears

To fall like raindrops,

But there are far too many…

The rain would be jealous.

So, I will not cry today.

Standing before

A mountain of bad things,

My mind is weary.

My body is weak.

My heart is heavier than

The mountain itself.

If only this were

One of those horribly realistic

Nightmares,

The kind that cause you

To awake in a cold sweat,

Heart pounding,

Afraid.

But from every dream,

There is awaking.

And every mountain

Is begging to be climbed

By someone brave.

Oh, but it looms above me!

Treacherous.

Taunting.

It’s slippery, jagged

And menacing terrain

Has me overwhelmed

With intimidation.

I must be honest.

I don’t want to climb.

I have no resources.

No companion.

No belay.

No rope.

I just want to cry.

I just want to sleep.

But I must do neither.

And so, I suppose

I shall write a poem about

Tears and tenacity,

And then I shall climb in the rain.

"More" - A new worship song for church

“More”

4/9/13

  

Vs 1:

We need forgiveness,

We need Your peace,

And Your amazing grace.

We need You, Jesus,

We need You now,

So come and fill this place.

Chorus:

More, more, we need more,

More of You in us.

More, more, so much more.

More of Your Great Love.

Vs 2:

We want revival.

We want Your will

To overshadow ours.

We want Your mercy.

We want Your truth

 To come and cleanse our hearts.

Chorus:

More, more, we need more,

More of You in us.

More, more, so much more...

More of Your Great Love.

Bridge:

Without You Lord,

We would be lost.

But in Your presence,

We are found.

Without You Lord,

We would be lost.

But in Your presence,

We are found.

Chorus:

More, more, we need more,

More of You in us.

More, more, so much more...

More of Your Great Love.

I wrote this song last week.  It is different from the ones I typically write, because it is a worship song, specifically for singing in church.  It's very simple, and easy.  I taught it to my dad and worship team on Saturday, and we performed it yesterday in church.  We need lots more practice on it, but everyone seemed to like it.  Here is a clip of the song.  Unfortunately, it is audio only.  I hesitate to post it, because it's nowhere near polished!  LOL... but here it is anyhow.  My dad is the one talking me up in it.  He's so sweet.  He's always my biggest fan.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/1111534

Unarmed

This is a song I wrote yesterday and am still working on.  The keyboard part is written, but I am not completely happy with it because I would really like to have some acoustic guitar as the key instrumental element to the song.

“Unarmed”
D minor/F ~ MG/4/8/13

Vs 1:
Just a moment more,
I haven’t had enough
Time to bask in it
And drink this sweet moment up.
I never knew
That real could feel this warm.
Nothing to run from
Or hide behind now.  Unarmed.

Instrumental Chorus...

Vs 2:
You came and took
Away my need to be
Anything but
The treasure you made me to be.
Full of such purpose,
I cry for the times I got lost.
Resistance is worthless.
Your love will pursue at all cost.

Chorus:
And I feel whole, wounds and all.
I feel no alarm.  Unarmed.

Vs 3:
As humans, we’re funny.
Sometimes we fear the light.
And so we take cover.
When dawn starts to break, we fight.
I’m done with excuses.
Yesterday cannot hold me.
I’m resolute... ready,
Whatever tomorrow may bring.

Bridge:
You came to my darkness
Gave peace to my hopeless heart.
You hugged the hurt until
It was still.

Chorus:
I feel whole, wounds and all.
I feel no alarm.  Unarmed.

Selfishness & Letters From the Sky

I am feeling a little selfish today.  I found out a few days ago that my Grandma is dying.  From what I hear, she only has maybe days to live, if that.  I am not ready for her to die.  I love her so, and haven't gotten to spend enough time with her.  She says she feels ready to go be with Jesus, and also to be reunited with her sons and her husbands in Heaven, but I don't want her to go yet.  I can't even think about it.  I want just a little more time with her.  I want to hug her again.  To look into the eyes of the woman who gave me my red hair color.  To thank her for being such a bold example of what it means to walk with God, causing a ripple effect within her family, reaching generations.  I don't want to miss my Grandma.

Grandma Max lives in Minnesota and I have lived on the western side since I was a baby.  I've not had the money throughout my life to be able to visit her very often, and have only gotten to see her maybe 6 or 7 times in my life.  Even with seeing her that little, I always have felt a special bond with her.  She is a sweet, fun, God-fearing woman who has been such a beautiful spiritual leader to our family.  She is the glue that holds so many of us together.  She means so very much to so many.  Losing her from this world is going to hurt.  I can only imagine how my dad must be feeling.  He is going to be devastated when she passes.  We have been praying for her healing, even though she has stated she wants to pass on.  How selfish of us.  If it is her time, it is her time, and God knows what and when is best.  I need to find a way to be at peace with this.  I just regret that I didn't get to see her enough.  It seems I'll have to wait for Heaven for that now.

In times like this when my heart hurts the most, I wish sometimes that I had a companion/partner/best-friend/husband.  Things are easier to bear when you have someone who truly cares, and who will hold you in your pain.  If you are reading this and you have a spouse, never ever take them for granted.  You are blessed to have someone in the flesh you know you can always turn to when life gets tumultuous.

I know I wasn't designed to be alone, and yet here I am.  Alone.  I haven't even dated anyone in almost 2 years.  I know a lot of my solitude is by choice, because I feel it is better to be single, than to have a bad relationship.  And as a mother, I would much rather have my children have no father figure than to have a bad one.  But that does not change that feeling of void in my life.  Especially in times like this.

I don't know that I believe in soul mates.  I used to when I was younger, but as I have gotten older, I've come to decide that relationships are a choice.  Who you decide to be with is a choice.  Commitment is a choice.  Some of my friends and family have told me in the past that the reason I don't believe in soul mates is because I haven't met mine yet.  Maybe that's true, but I wouldn't know.  Maybe choices in the past have brought me to a place where I am no longer meant for love.  But I wouldn't know.  I do dream, sometimes, about having a strong, mutual love relationship in my life... one that exists and grows beyond the confines of time and flesh and life as we know it.  But I have been accused of dreaming too much.  So, I usually shut those dreams down and try to keep my feet on the ground, disallowing myself from longing for that type of love.  For all I know, it may not exist.

My Grandma does inspire me, though.  I do find a small sense of comfort in the hope that she gives me.  She is such a love.  She lives to love others.  ...After my Grandpa died, she felt so alone.  But God gave her someone to love and to love her.  She was on a train to come visit us in California a few years after my Grandpa's passing, and she met a really nice man on that train ride who had also lost his spouse to death.  She was in her 70's at the time, I believe.  She was so happy, and married him soon after.  Then, after her second husband died a few years back, God brought another man into her life.  He showed up unexpectedly at her door with flowers or candy or something romantic, and told her he had had a crush on her since grade school, had found out she was single, and wanted to court her.  She was in her 80's at that point.  They were married shortly after.  Romance just seeks that woman out!  It's a beautiful thing.  Now she is 85 and is weak and tired and ready to go home.  She has felt much loss and misses her loved ones that have passed.  She says she is ready to go, and feels it is her time.  I will pray for God's will in this.  I will pray that she does not suffer, and that she is filled with a deep peace, knowing where she is going once she leaves us.  I'm sure God wants to have her Home even more than I wish to keep her here.

There is a song that I love called "Letters From the Sky" by Civil Twilight.  The lyrics just get me every time I listen to it, which is often.  In my interpretation of the song, I hear reference to Jesus return to the earth and His coming back for His chosen, reference to other things like fear and death, but also to romantic love... the kind of love I have only dreamed about.  As I sit here next to tears thinking about my Grandma's coming passing, I yearn for that companionship.  That shoulder.  Those arms.  That love.  I am feeling very selfish today.  Tomorrow I will find a way to be content in the moment, but today... my heart hurts.

~

Here is the link to the song "Letters From the Sky", in case you want to take a listen...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wa7dFR09vU&feature=share&list=PLQoLRkjLxVJXmtT0Fxuzd6rXDxlo9KVVT

"Paint a Masterpiece"

Every new day is
A new chance to win,
A new chance to choose;
A chance to begin...
To change the things that
You are able to change...
To release the norm;
Grasp what once was strange...
To speak the words that
Yesterday left unsaid...
To abandon fear;
Embrace peace instead...
To find a new home in
Quiet gratitude...
To make choices that
Reflect the true you;
The you that is love...
The you that is light...
The you brave enough
To outlast the night.
So, take on this day
With resolve.  Release.
Your canvas is new...
Paint a masterpiece.

~mg~

Spiritual Things

So much of what goes on around us is unseen.  In my personal observation, it seems that most people do not take the time to acknowledge or contemplate the spiritual side of life.  I read that a recent poll showed that under 25% of the population in the U.S. identifies as spiritual in some way (but not religious)  ...less than one in four people in America!  I wonder what the percentage would be for the rest of the world's population? It is mind boggling to me for any being with an intellect not to contemplate such things.  How can any of us even live and breathe without seeing the evidences of God?  A Creator?  The author of Faith and Love and Life?  It is so evident and all around me, that even if I were to attempt to deny it, it would be impossible.  I cannot look at the sky, or a meadow, or a stream or a snowflake without seeing God.  I cannot look into the eyes of a child, hear the rush of an ocean wave or smell the fragrance of the forest without feeling God.  Those evidences are huge, but then add to them the intricate workings of our anatomy, biology as a whole, photosynthesis and reproduction to name just a few.  There are so very many complex and detailed systems within our world that could never be adequately described by osmosis or sufficiently explained away as an accident.  And then what about phenomenons like miracles?! ...Those literal and very personal miracles I experience on a continual and increasing basis  ...Prayer upon prayer upon specific prayer being answered in my life; prayers that seem almost preposterous to even have the audacity to pray, and yet my God answers them!  How can I not think about God and the spiritual on a multiple-times-daily basis?

Life is not just wealth and jobs and friends and fun and however success might possibly be defined.  Life is about so much more than that.  Do those things matter?  Yes, I suppose they do, depending on your personal value system, but they pale in comparison to the bigger picture of what is life.  I see life as made up of four general and somewhat broad parts:  The physical, the mental, the emotional and the spiritual.  I work diligently to keep ALL areas of my life healthy.  Just because something is not tangible or palpable in the present does not mean that it is not.  I guess that is where faith comes in.  And in my personal experience, as I have become more and more in tune with the spiritual me, it is becoming less and less enigmatic, distant and pie-in-the-sky-ish.

My relationship with God is not merely perceived, but is an active knowing.  It is not just a hope.  It does not feel anything like a long-distance relationship with a sweet sounding pipe-dream.  It is not wishful thinking.  It is!  My relationship with God feels more to me like being wrapped in the arms of unconditional love.  It is a yearning to give as much love as I have to give back, and to the best of my human ability (though it pales in comparison to God's capacity to love).  It feels like a warm blanket of security... like breathing in peace... grace incarnate ...truth at it's deepest level.  And it is wonderful.  Beautiful. I am so thankful that I was created as a being who has a spirit, and that God has created within me a desire to understand, embrace and grow that spiritual side of me.  That He loves me.  I am grateful that He has been so patient with me as it has taken quite a while for me to accept His love with all four parts of my being, regardless of the fact that I cannot fully comprehend that Love. I am beyond thankful that God is helping me to finally grasp that there is nothing I can do about it!  Nothing I can do to earn it.  Nothing I can do to ruin or diminish it.  His Love just is.  And it is mine.  It is yours too.  I just hope that you are one out of the four people who realize it.  If not, it is my job to tell you.

Awaken to God's Love.