"White Flag"

I never loved like that.
Never before.
Never after.
I never felt deeper.
Never swam in such depths of emotion.
I’ve lived a semi-life
Since letting you go.
Loving you felt like home.
Every emotion since has lacked passion.
A part of me died
With our love.

I prayed the other night.
I prayed for you.
Unexpectedly, I began to cry.
I haven’t cried over you in quite a while.
The feeling surprised me.
You are still in my heart.
You always will be.
You were true love.
I can never love like that again.

How does a person disown and deny
Love of that proportion?
We both said hurtful words.
We both had much room for growth.
Is it possible that we’ve matured?
Is it possible that we can come back,
Be together once again,
Healthier and more whole than before?
Is it possible that we don’t really have to let go?
Is it possible that we truly never did?

Maybe the fork in the road
Which led us apart
Has been good for us.
Maybe we both needed the humbling,
The chance to be stripped down to our naked soul,
And as individuals,
Be reformed.
Yes, the solitude has led to growth.
And all of this bumping around in the dark
Has caused me to fully comprehend
How much I love and miss
Illumination.

I’ve fumbled desperately at denial,
Attempting to shelter my heart.
I will not be wounded again.
I will not.
I've shut you out.
I've plugged my ears,
Willing myself to disbelieve
When you say,
“I’m sorry.
Let me show you…”

I’ve held fast to my stubborn pride.
I’ve constructed barriers so great,
Even I could not see past them.
I’d nearly convinced myself
I could go on without you.
Nearly.
But here is the tender truth;
Walls down,
Vulnerable,
White flag waving:
I love you.