Circles of Chaos

Life goes in cycles. Circles. Just when you think you've left a phase of it or surpassed a memory, you find yourself reliving it again. Not every incident, happening, emotion, nor lesson is repeated (thank God for the growth that does occur), but it does definitely seem to me that there are certain familiar circumstances in my world of learning that seem to be painfully repetitive. How does this happen? Do we not learn from our mistakes? Do we seek out the familiar, even when it is painful? Is this an inevitable part of life, a sign of masochistic tendencies, or just another of life's enigmas? Do you find that this happens in your life too, or am I alone in my cylindrical maze?

I guess I should be thankful, for the life lessons most engraved in my mind are the lessons I had to learn and then re-learn again. Now I won't forget.

"Chaos"

My heart is checkered with guilt and love.
My mind is a wash of chaotic emotion,
Causing my flesh to crave and cringe.
My eyes fill with tears of joy, and a sea of loss.
My feet stumble on broken hopes,
And I fall to the cold, hard earth.
The tears sting as they fall on raw nerves;
My heart is exposed, and it aches.
I told myself another celestial tale
Of love so true... of happy ever after.
The real world glares at me with hostile eyes.
I feel the frosty cold of solitude again.
I yearn to allow my heart to fall this time.
My soul pleads with my mind for release.
The flesh is strong and bold, and pushes forth;
Determined to claim a piece of ecstasy.
The familiar burning soothes the ache.
The mere intensity of the need and these emotions
Are almost enough to sustain. If only.
Fulfillment; contentment elude me as ever.
I am but a slave to the tumult in these depths.
I am victimized by the chaos this love begets.