Monday, May 02, 2005

Contentment

I woke up this morning, alone again. I hit snooze a few times, and wished that I had a snooze button on my heart. I had this mild and creeping feeling of panic. Where did THAT come from? My mind started at light-speed this morning, before I even had my coffee. I hate that!

I sat down here to organize some of those thoughts, and the first line that came to my mind was an annoying old country lyric, "looking for love in all the wrong places". I can't stand that song, but it's got such a great catch phrase. The only place I can feel completely whole and loved and known is in Christ. Any other pursuit of peace, or quest for the feelings that could be derived from being in that place (like the yearning for romance and passion and true companionship) is futile. I know this to be true. ONLY GOD can fill the place in me that is empty. It is so hard to remember that sometimes! I have to remind myself daily to look to Him for contentment. And I am trying desperately to learn it.

***Contenment does not come from having everything you want, but rather wanting everything you have.***

As I sit here and reflect and yearn and ache and pray, I come to a conclusion I already knew... contentment is not a gift, but a choice. I can choose to be content, or choose to dwell on the feeling that something is missing. I can choose to take what I know and what I have at this moment and admire the beauty in it, and not look back, or look ahead, always wishing for more. I choose to cherish this moment, and the gift of life God has given to me. *Sigh* There's that familiar feeling of peace. I can breathe again.

"All That I Hold Dear"

Wisdom, pain and pride accompanied by
Insecurity and double-eyes.
These are qualities that compile my life;
This is who I am and why I cry.
Yesterday is gone; I can’t erase it.
Bad decisions plague my little life.
All I want to do is make decisions
That fill me with respect and You with pride.

So make me into somebody bigger
Than who I see in this fun-house mirror.
Take me and all that is within me,
And make me make You all that I hold dear.

Self-esteem and wisdom tempered by
Kindness, patience and gentle, humble eyes;
A heart that seeks to serve and not to get praise,
This is what I’m seeking in my life.
And so I pray for more of You inside me.
So I scream and yearn to know Your peace.
Every day will be a growing, learning
Experience of becoming less like me.

Make me into somebody bigger
Than who I see in this fun-house mirror.
Take me and all this is within me,
And make me make You all that I hold dear.

Jesus, you are all that I hold dear.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have a story about contentment, and it revolves around a decal on an old beater car that read, "He who is content with little, posesses much."