"Push Against Fate"

I don’t like

This detached person I see

In this funhouse mirror.

It’s all fake.

It’s not me.

And all you see

Is lies.

I am not this twisted.

I am not this gone.

Jaded a little maybe,

But hopeful.

I see you see me.

And know you do,

And know all you perceive

Is all I am.

It aches to be known,

And not be cherished,

Nor wanted.

This is me,

And whether or not

I am okay with this reality

Matters not.

It just feels good to be known

If not loved.

I wish I could be honest

And let my heart hang out,

And let myself be broken

Just like before.

Then maybe I could ache,

And hate,

And feel, then heal.

But somehow agony

Has twisted my ability

To allow risk,

And I am losing you

Because I can’t

Be vulnerable.

This once I have to tell you…

I wish we could have been

Many years ago

When all was pure

And we would have made it.

Now we push

Against fate

In defensive defiance,

And reject logic and love,

Replaced with walls of fear,

And mountains of regret.

I wish you knew

Just how deeply I wish.

I love you,

I deeply do.

I know you don’t believe.

I sometimes find my mind

Wandering to thoughts of hope…

Can we make it

In spite of it all?

I will try.

For obstacles are meant

To be overcome.

Walls are meant

To be climbed.

Perfect Love

Casts out fear.

I deeply yearn to stop running,
And fall into you.